Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Monday, January 31, 2005

I think the baby has the hiccups right now! It feels like rhythmic spasms. Kind of cool!

This weekend, my mom came and cleaned up our whole place. Not that it was filthy (well, at least not by Jason and my standards), but my mom has a way of cleaning so every nook and cranny is dust free and sparkling. I told her that she has a gift of cleaning; she agreed and added that it was a very tiring gift to be given. Claudia was blessed with the same cleaning gene but it must have skipped me somehow.

My fingers are so swollen right now, it actually hurts! Since my engagement and wedding ring are larger to begin with and were able to rotate around my fingers before, I didn't think I would ever have to take them off. Then, last week, I noticed it getting tighter and tighter and then it got so uncomfortable, I just wanted the darn things off. So this Saturday, Jason soaped up my fingers and pulled my rings off while my finger turned purple and I screamed bloody murder. It hurt so bad that I kept yelling, "Stop. Stop! My finger is going to fall off!" My mom, who usually can't handle seeing me in pain and who I thought would barge in and stop the whole process, was in the background telling me that I had to take it off NOW or it would just get worse. Finally, after much tugging and twisting, the ring came off. Whew... now I'm ready for labor.

I am officially done with my long term subbing position! I think it was perfect to end it this week because it is getting harder to walk, think straight, and stay awake. I'm going in for a few hours today to get grades done and then I am out of there for good.

My 27th birthday went by without much ado. I was with Jason and my mom. Tyler was kicking me all day. Not much fanfare, but a nice simple birthday indeed. Thanks to those who called and emailed. 27 and will be a mommy soon! :)

Friday, January 28, 2005

I really can't believe that today is my last day here. The countdown was slow, but the days went by rather quickly, if that makes any sense. The other teachers bought me some baby gifts, which made me feel horrible and guilty for not having made more of a earnest effort to get to know them better, rather than hvaing such a superficial colleague to colleague relationship. Nonetheless, it was a very kind gesture from very kind folks.

I only have one class today, from 10:50-12:20, and the rest of the day will be spent cleaning up and getting ready for the sub so I won't have to set foot on this campus again.

Yesterday, I was part of the interview committee to interview my replacement. The candidate was an older woman who had worked at Safeway for 20 years, then decided she wanted to go into teaching, got her license, and was looking for her first position. The one thing that really struck me about her was her nasty, smokers voice. It was raspy and horse, and just painful to listen to. I think smoking is rather a gross habit to have in the first place, but her voice solidified my views even more. Anyways, as she walked out, the principal's first words were, "Not a chance in hell," which oddly made me laugh.

My mom is coming to visit from LA this weekend. She is arriving tonight. Which only means one thing to me and Jason at this point: We will have to dash home after work, do the mountain high laundry, scrub the toilet and sinks, vacuum yesterday's dinner of the floor, throw out the other mountain in our house- the trash- away, etc, etc. I already warned my mom of our living "situation" but I told myself it would be better for us to prevent any heart attacks and faints to the floor if at all possible.

Yesterday I had a dream that Susan did not recognize me because I had gained so much weight. How depressing is that? Such body issues I have...even in my damn dreams! I have truly been eating throughout this pregnancy anything and everything without one bit of hesitation and wonder if I will ever get some self restraint and control once Tyler's born. Jen and Weikuo will have to get me in gear, or at least show me their new structured bodies so jealousy will get my ass to the gym.

Speaking of weight and food, I can't wait to go back to LA to EAT! much for restraint. Jason and I have a long LIST of places we will go once we are back! I miss Hurry Curry, Seafood Town, El Pollo a la Brasa, real real Chinese food (Korean style), etc. etc. When Jason and I are hungry, we talk about these places like we are stranded on some deserted island, famished and fantasizing about food. Yesterday, we tried some place called Pita Pit and it just didn't cut it for us. I ended calling it the Pita Arm Pit restaurant afterwards because the food did no good in filling us up like LA food does! I can't wait! I can't wait!

Anyways, what am I doing online when I have grades to finish up? Darn me!
Hope you have a great Friday and a great weekend!

Monday, January 24, 2005

Jason and I went to our first dog show this weekend. We really had no idea what to expect but thought it would be fun to see all the breeds congregate in one big convention center. In one large room, there were about twenty five rings set up and, in them, there were twenty five "best of" judging going on. I was shocked at some things that I saw. Most shocking was to see owners continuously lifting their dog's tail while their hand accidentally stroked their dog's butthole. AND THEN, put that hand in their mouths for some spit to smooth down some unruly hair. It was gross. Then, I saw judges hold dog's balls in their hands, like they were checking its weight, while doing physical examinations on the dogs. Poor dogs- to be violated like that. Anyways, Jason and I and two adopted kids were the only Asians in sight, which I still think is amazing, even after all these months.

I only have one week of work and I am out of here. I am so tired all the time and can't wait to rest at home. Today, I am at 33 weeks. I look at my tummy and can't imagine Tyler all scrunched up in there. I feel bad for him; it must be so uncomfortable. I try to make out where his head, shoulders, back and legs are and when I think I know what position he is in, I shudder at the thought of how uncomfortable he must be, all in there like a contourist. Poor baby.

Friday, January 21, 2005

It seems like I haven't written here in awhile. I've been spending every extra minute getting ready for a quick get away on my last day, January 28th. I couldn't be happier now that my term here is coming to an end. My favorite class of five students suddenly turned into a class of ten. The new students have some major catching up to do and I'm glad that I won't have to be the one to hold their hands as that happens.

It is Friday. I have one more week of work. I am happy.

Now if I could only get song that Princess Anne Clair sings on E's "Love is in the Heir" out of my head, I would feel even better.

"....when the rubber hits the road!"

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I am so hungry that I am eating cold lasagne at my desk. Sounds gross, huh, but it's actually not bad when you are starving, like me!

Yesterday's post was a bit sad. I think I get that way when Jason is away for longer than one day. I have this tradition (my very own tradition!) when Jason is gone. Without fail, I look at our wedding pictures. Must sound a little psycho but...I miss him!

I love reality TV because it's fun to get a glimpse into what other people's lives are like. Yesterday on Wifeswap, there was this lady who was totally into cleaning her house and then on Super Nanny, there were these kids that I would have smacked over the head if they were my kids. I don't believe in hitting kids but when I see kids act like monsters, I seriously think twice about physical punishment. Anyways, it's just fun to see how other people live.

Sleeping at night is getting more and more difficult. I wait up every hour, either to go to the bathroom or because my back hurts. I can't wait for the day I am able to sleep on my back or read a book on my stomach. That day can't come soon enough. Girls, don't take it for granted. Lay on your back. Lay on your stomache. Cherish the moment. You don't know how much you will want to when you are pregnant.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Turned on Enrique Inglesia's Escape CD yesterday and felt quite nostalgic. I think the CD came out about the time that Weiker, Jen, and I moved into our apartment in LA and the songs reminded me of us playing Hero on repeat and belting along with Enrique as he screams the words, "Don't turn off the lights!" Those were fun days together.

I've been so emotional lately. Last week on Oprah, she had a show about mircale babies. I missed the beginning but turned to the show when some lady was on who had twins after being artificially inseminated with her dead husband's sperm. Her and her husband were married only four months prior to him being diagnosed with cancer. He had to have chemotherapy. Knowing that chemotherapy might hurt their chances of having a family in the future, they decided to freeze his sperm before he started his treatments. After a courageous fight, he died in her arms at home in their bed. As she was giving account of their final days together, tears just came falling and falling down my face. I could only imagine the pain of losing the love of your life, and even the thought was unbearable.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

To add onto my growing list of physical ailments, I just burned my pinky finger pretty badly heating up some BBQ chicken pizza in the oven. It stings like hell and makes me cringe when I look at it.

Yesterday, it was a pretty crummy day in Portland. It was so cold that all the streets were iced. No snow. Just icy rain that turned into sheets of ice when it reached the ground. Later at night, on the news, they showed people attempting to walk on the sidewalks and falling on their asses and cars slipping and sliding on the interstate freeway. I've never seen such images before and was surprised by them.

In the morning, we didn't realize how bad the road conditions were so Jason tried to drive into work only to find himself in our car sliding on our apartment driveway nearly missing a telephone phone. He ended up leaving the car there, though it was blocking half the driveway when he saw another car slide into a parked car and dent it. He figured it would be safer just to leave the car there for now and move it once all the ice had thawed. So it seems the weather is getting warmer today and I will have to move it in a couple of hours.

Jason left for Nashville a couple of hours ago (taking public transportation) for second interviews and will be back Tuesday night. Poor guy. He is really getting sick of airports, airplanes, and all things associated with flying.

I only have two more weeks of work! Yipee! Since Monday is a holiday, (Thank you, Martin Luther King for you and your dreams.) I only have 9 more working days. It's a good thing because I am really exhausted by the end of the school day. My skin is being stretched to unbelievable lengths, there is pressure all over the bottom half of my body, and I swear my bladder has become a small pouch that can only half an ounce of fluid. It just feels best to be in the comforts of home when things get too uncomfortable.

I'm getting all these samples of baby products in the mail lately and I wish you could see the newborn diapers! They are just too cute and smell to nice to be used as diapers!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Some entertainment commentary:

1. Was it only me who gasped when I found out that Jen and Brad broke up? There was something about them that made you wish it would be forever. Sad.

2. Poor Jen Schefft, the new bachlorette, to be stuck with 25 losers. She once was engaged to my personal favorite bachelor, Andrew Firestone but now she can choose from a bunch of losers! Sad.
_ _ _

For those of you in LA: Sorry to hear about all the rain and mud and water. Now you get a taste of what my environment's been like for the past freakin' four months in Portland.

Speaking of, I am sorry to say, but I laugh when I see that footage of the poor man hanging on to some rope wearing his whitey tighties. (I only laugh because I know he is alright now!) It's sad and embarrassing, but you gotta agree, pretty funny!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

I was so tired afterschool yesterday that I decided to call in for a sub today. It's a good thing I did because even after a night's rest, I still feel like a walking zombie. Jason is in Vegas right now and will be back tonight. He called last night to tell me that he was in a huge suite at Cesars. Damn! I wish I was there!

I need to tell myself to take it easy when I teach. I have ONE class where the students are actually motivated and I totally overexert all my energy in this class, trying to squeeze everything I want them to learn in one class period. I need to tell myself to calm down. Yesterday, I felt myself getting tense and my muscles cramping but I just kept at it, standing and completely over doing it. I need to just take it easy the next three weeks.

Well, like I've mentioned, Jason is not here and there is this freaky, spooky thing that that is happening in our home. We have a lamp that gets brighter as you touch it. It goes from dim, to brighter, to brightest, and then with the next touch, it turns off. Anyways, this lamp is freaking me out. Lately, its been turning on by itself when we're not touching it. It gets brighter. It turns itself off. It's possessed, I tell you! We've known that something was wrong for some weeks now because the light be be on when we come home from work and we know that turned it off and the light is on in the morning when we know that we turned it off before going to bed. It was a little wierd but I was alright since Jason was always next to me. Well, yesterday night, as I sat watching the lame new Bachelorette in my near comatose state, the light turned off by itself scaring the shit out of me. I get really scared by things like that, especially since I had just seen the preview for White Noise on TV. Freaky. Freaky.

As I get bigger and bigger, I am getting more and more excited for Tyler to be here. To be completely honest, I am horrified by not knowing what labor will be like. I am going to TRY to go the natural route and not take any meds. I just think its gotta be the best for me and the baby to not have drugs in my system. Plus, in a wierd way, I want to feel what is going on. I don't like the idea of not having control of my body, not feeling anything and having to be told when to push because I can't feel the contractions. BUT, I've also told myself that if I really can't handle the pain, I would opt for some epidural (though not enough to completely paralyze me.) Either way, I'll just be happy to have a healthy baby.

One thing that kind of bums me out is that we won't have a complete nursery ready for my little boy when he is here. I've always wanted to have it all complete and ready for my babies when I had them, decorated angelically and smelling of baby powder. Well, we live in a one bedroom apartment so he will be sharing the room with us at least until July when we will be leaving Portland and going wherever we will be going next. And since we'll be moving only four months after he is born, it doesn't make too much sense to buy all this bulky furniture now, but to purchase it once we move. Like Jen said, "I don't think he will care," but still my innner wish is that everything would be perfect and ready for him in a carefully decorated room like the ones I see in baby magazines.

Hope you have a good day. I've had my breakfast and now I'm ready to go back to bed!

Monday, January 10, 2005

I'm just swamped at work today it seems! Three more weeks...I think I can make it.

The childbirth class was not really what I expected. Though they told us to bring a pillow and blanket which led me to believe that we would be on the floor doing breathing exercises, the class seemed like one very long lecture. Jason and I sat in the back of the class and laughed our way through the videos that showed women with bad 80's hair and makeup and women that sounded like hyenas. Jason was totally making everything into a joke and asked me if he could sit in the labor jacuzzi with his Cristol and cigars. He told me to remind him to pack his swimming trunks. Real funny. He also wrote inappropriate comments in Korean on pieces of notepaper which made me chuckle and caused stares from the instructor. On the final evaluation, Jason wrote that his favorite part of the whole class was the tour of the birthing room and that the two days could have been condensed into one. I didn't think that was very nice. All in all, though the class was dry and long, I'm glad to have taken it...if not only for the reason to see other women with big asses like myself, scared as shit about the unknown of labor.

Class is starting. I better act like I care.

Friday, January 07, 2005

TGIF!!! This Saturday Jason and I will be entering the world of childbirth classes. Should be fun to learn how to do the hee hee breathing I see on TV. I am anticipating that Jason will beg me to leave early as the classes are long: 10-3 on Saturday and 12-5 on Sunday. We'll see. Also, Jason is leaving me to go to Vegas on Monday and!

I just learned that I have seven more sub days left... seven! All of which will go to waste if I don't use them. I don't think I could, with all good conscience, use them all, but I will use at least three in the next three weeks. So it's a double bummer that I can't fly anymore and won't be able to go to LV with Jason.

Dude, I know that I have the most boring blog on earth. I look through other people's site and they are filled with adventures in the night, drinking and partying with friends. I sometimes wonder if this blog might be a different if I were to have started it in college...probably. Hey, what can I say? This is my life now. Married, barefoot, and pregnant. Living in the happenin' state of Oregon.

For all my friends, happy reading. I miss you all.

Oh, and for those who are counting down with me: Next Monday, I will be at 31 weeks...only 9 more weeks until Tyler's arrival!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

In one of my classes, some students asked if they could have a small party to celebrate Dia de los Reyes today. I was a little hesitant but I thought a small celebration might boost the morale in this class so I agreed. Well, the students came in today bringing: burritos, nachos, chimichagas! I couldn't believe my eyes! They had called each other the night before to plan everything. They even brought a can of soda for everyone, candy and Mexican bread!! Someone even brought his extensive collection of CD's to play music! I couldn't believe it! These are the same kids that don't turn in homework, forget everything that I have taught, and complain they don't have time at night to read. Geez...but if it means getting out of doing real work in the class, they go ALL out! I see how it is!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

One more resolution: to have a website! I've been talking of doing this forever and a day, but with Tyler on his way, I really want to make one! Especially if we end of living outside of California and people can't see my little man.

There is this one outfit that I am dying to put him in. It's an green and yellow Oregon Ducks outfit. At first, I thought that it was just a heinous outfit and screamed at Jason that it would be a crime to put our child in it. But, Jason convinced me that it was cute and we bought it. Now, I love it too and we joke that this will be his "debut" outfit when we are back in LA. It even comes with green and yellow booties for his tiny feet!

Back to the website. Since I am so technologically inept, I hope I can put one together. Gosh, it is sad when I see websites made by little middle schoolers but can't seem to have the brains to make one myself.

As you can see, I have too much time on my hands at work. I'm not complaining. It gives me time to rest my back, to check my email, and to wonder why other people don't update their blogs.

Now, I'm really big. It takes much concentration to pick something off the floor. I test my patience when I put on my shoes. I need help getting up from a sitting position. It's so odd to have this body that I can't maneuver the way that I am used to.

So there has been a lot of talk about New Year's resolutions lately. My resolutions will be different depending on what part of the States that I am in this year. I am praying and hoping that we will be in LA, but that is still all up in the air. We should know for sure by the end of January after Jason goes for second interviews and negotiations are made as far as his contract goes. Well, I have three resolutions that are not dependent on my residence. They are: #1. Be the best mommy I can be. #2. Get back to my pre pregnancy weight. Heck, getting back to my college weight would be nice! #3. Eat in and cook more! We spend so much money taking out every night. Since I'll be a stay at home mom, I shouldn't have any excuses. I need to cook for my two babies!

The countdown has begun and I have 16 more working days here. Yahoo!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

I just found out by reading some faculty meeting minutes that a new ESL teacher has been hired and will take over two of my five classes next week. That's all good and dandy but it would have been nice to be given a heads up and been told in advance so I didn't have to read it in some damn notes! Now, my head is spinning: I am not scheduled to leave until the end of January. Do they think that I am not working up to par? Do they want a smoother transition? What gives?! And why wasn't I told about any plans? I care but at the same time, I don't give a damn.

We ordered a glider and ottoman online and got it yesterday. Jason put it together (took only four screws!) and I was in rockin' heaven.

Gosh, I should really go do some prep for my classes...laters!

Monday, January 03, 2005

Blah. It's Monday morning. My winter break is officially over, I'm back at school and hating it already. I wish I could sleep, which is amazing because I've been sleeping so much lately. I must have taken two naps yesterday.

Pregnancy is getting pretty uncomfortable lately. My back hurts constantly and I have this gnawing pain in my muscles right above my lowest rib. It feels like my muscles are being torn apart. I spent most of yesterday with cold cans of soda on that area to numb the pain and it helped, but I don't think it would be appropriate to have cans of coke under my shirt as I teach.

One thing about being pregnant that AMAZES me is this: When Tyler is kicking about, I could actually feel his BONE under my skin. I mean, I knew that babies kick and squirm about in the uterus, but no one ever told me that I would feel actual BONE under my skin. It's no short of being a miracle.

Seattle was great. It's a beautiful, tranquil city and I wouldn't mind living there one bit. We went up the Space Needle, ate cheap lunch at Pike Park Market, walked along the waterfront, visited the Museum of Flight (which I thought would be a snore but found to be actually interesting!), "discovered" a cheap Korean restaurant opened near University of Washington and ate there (it was delicious!). All in all, it was a fun, one last ren de vouz before Jason and I become parents.

One funny thing about the trip is that we slept in separate beds. We booked our room through Priceline so we couldn't request the beds that we wanted. By the time I called the hotel, they didn't have any rooms with king size beds left so we got a room with two twin beds. Since I am huge and because I toss and turn so much all night, we just slept in separate beds. It was funny to see my husband in another bed and wish him good night. Especially on a trip!

Happy New Year everyone! It's already 2005! And I am going to become an ajuma soon!