Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

 random pics from this month. many visits to our house that is being built. it's cool to have the boys see the whole process!

 field day at tyler's school. ah man, this event was so impressive. i couldn't believe how much was planned. there were 5 teams competing to win the grand prize. everyone got really in to it and it was a great day.
 tyler at one of the events.
 another team event.
 chase and tyler resting at field day.
 tyler's piano recital. tyler, you did a great job!
 boys' presents to me for mother's day. i took them to the mall to make them. haha...

 one thing i love about tyler's school is that the students go on a lot of field trips together. here, tyler's school went to the roller skating rink for all students who passed some sort of reading goal.

 chasey and i joined in on the fun!
 tyler's spring performance at school. haha.... track suits and an afro!
needed to have a pic of chase with the afro too! he was ready to take it off! :)

have a great memorial day weekend!!!

Friday, May 25, 2012

chasey has moves like jagger....he cracks me up!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

parents who can judge me:

parents of 2 boys (both older than 2) who are 1 -3 years apart in age.

if you are a parent of 1 boy. no, you cannot judge me. when my boys are apart, they are usually angels. something about them being together brings out the testosterone in them.

if you are a parent of 2 girls. please do not judge me. boys ARE different than girls. your girls may want tea parties. my boys would rather play fight, run around, and make noises of bombs going off.

if your 2 boys are more than 4 years apart, please don't judge me. the dynamics are way different.

do i come across sensitive here? like i've been judged as a parent? haha...maybe!

i love the part in the article when the author writes that each situation is different. it's true that each child comes prewired differently so mothers change their "tactics" in dealing with problems that may arise with each child. one child's "good" day may look like another child's "worst" day.

oh, and you have to pick your battles. you can't fight them and scold your children for everything they do... and oh, won't they do a million "wrong" things according to adult standards. can you imagine the scars that you will leave behind if you even tried? you would practically scolding your child all day! you want that to be your legacy?

one thing that used to tell myself i would never let the boys do- ride at the bottle of the shopping cart. ever. that is what crazy kids do who have crazy parents who would let them. now? once in a great while, chase will do that and i have to make a split decision: will he get hurt? (no, not if i am careful, which i will be) is he hurting someone else (no) is he having fun? (yup, totally) will he do this when he is older if i let him do this today? (i don't think so) so i let him ride it out until he gets bored and comes out on his own.

anyways, all this to say: all parents react differently to their children's behavior. i say to each their own. if you are raising happy, kind, productive children, no one can say anything!!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

i posted an article a second ago that was published on the huffington post website. yup, i totally agree. i apologize to all the moms out that that i judged before i became a mom, because before i had children, i was the perfect parent. my kids would be perfect, act perfectly at all times, and say the right things all the time. of course. i wouldn't they? i would teach them right from wrong and they would listen every time, right? those other "naughty" kids...they just have bad parents who don't know how to parent, right?

fast forward many years later.

i just laugh at non parents who judge me.

there was just one time when i felt really judged as a parent by a couple who did not have any children. i could tell they thought my boys were really bad kids. they made looks at each other when they saw my boys running around on the grass, told me that my boys sure had "lots of energy," and laughingly told me that they were "acting crazy." they said other things that hurt my feelings too.  i was in a wedding when we hung out with this couple. i could tell they were totally judging me and my boys to the point that i was feeling stressed out and i thought the boys were acting horribly too. but looking back, they were acting like normal 4 and 6 year olds do when they are at a wedding for hours. at one time, tyler came up to the head table where i was sitting, and the guy looked at tyler and said in a harsh tone, "go sit back in your seat and don't come back here again." this was when nothing much was going on and we were all just eating dinner. i was appalled. why couldn't my son come up and say hi to me and give me a hug?! i was in no situation to cause a scene so told tyler to go back and sit down with jason. anyways, that is just one time when i felt really judged by people who didn't have kids.

to a point, i understand where they are coming from. like the lady in the article, i too judged when i didn't have kids. yup, i was going to raise the perfect children who didn't act up at restaurants, who never picked their noses, who looked clean all the time, and were quiet and sat like statues at weddings.

but then again, if i had kids like that, my kids wouldn't be normal kids. children have their own ideas, do NOT listen all the time, and have a minds of their own!

i don't know. i just felt like saying sorry to all the people who i judged before i had kids. i understand now. i totally do. i'm sorry. no parent is perfect. no kid is perfect. after i had kids, i got it.

Apologies To The Parents I Judged Four Years Ago
To the Parents I Knew Four Years Ago: I'm Sorry
I have come to realize many things since having three children. For example, I now know that I can read "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" seven times in a row without going insane. No matter what people say, throw-up is throw-up and I don't care if it is my daughter who is throwing up but her throw-up makes me want to throw up. I am a really fast diaper changer. And it's true: love does not split, but grows with additional children.
But perhaps one of the biggest realizations I've made as a relatively new parent (my daughter turns 4 in March, my twin boys turn 2 in May) is how incredibly judgmental I was pre-children.
You, the woman at Kohl's who pushed a cart with your screaming toddler draped on the rack underneath it, ignoring her as she scraped her feet on the floor because she couldn't have the toy she wanted: I judged you.
Girlfriend with children who had Nick Jr. on the entire time I visited: I judged you.
Parent at the park who did not pack an organic, free-range, all-food-groups-represented, no-dessert lunch complete with sandwiches cut in cute little shapes, who instead fed your children chicken nuggets, cold French fries and (gasp) chocolate milk? I judged you.
Not out loud, of course. But internally, I was smug. I thought things like I would never have children who would behave in such a manner in public. Or, Doesn't she know the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV until the age of 2? Or, How can he possibly be feeding his children that crap? Has he not read any of Michael Pollan's books?
And what's worse, now that I'm a parent, I realize internal smugness isn't so internal. As a parent, I know when I'm being judged. I can sense it, even when nothing is being said out loud. It's in the look. The double-take. The whisper to the companion they're with.
It's hard not to care about what other people think. But still, that quiet judgment can sting, especially on days when my nerves are shot and my children are in the worst moods -- a combination that often leads to a situation judge-worthy by many.
But now, as a parent, I do things judge-worthy even when my children are being good. Last Thursday is a perfect example: My son had a physical therapy appointment a good half-hour drive away. On the way back from the appointment both of my boys fell asleep -- we had eaten lunch out, complete with Oreo cookies and Popsicles for dessert, (judge!) after the appointment and it was close to their naptime. Of course they fell asleep. My daughter, however, who has long given up naps (!), was still awake.
When I pulled into my driveway, I had two choices: Wake up the boys and deal with their short tempers having only slept for 25 minutes, or sit in the van with them while they slept, bribing my daughter with apps on my iPod and promises of candy once inside if she would just sit and be quiet for a half hour longer (!). I chose option B without blinking. And I left the car running (!) the entire time.
When the boys woke up, they were furious because of the cricks in their necks -- thanks to the car seats we bought without good head support to the side simply because they were cheaper (!). My daughter was at her wit's end with being trapped in a car seat in a car that wasn't going anywhere just because I wanted some peace and quiet (!). I took everyone inside, plopped them on the couch, got out some gummy candy and turned on "Little Bear." Two episodes. (!!)
Pre-children: I was going to cloth diaper.
Post-children: I did with my daughter, sort of, but not with my twins.
Pre-children: No TV until age of 2 and then only 30 minutes a day.
Post-children: Ha.
Pre-children: Only organic, healthy, homemade food.
Post-children: My kids love Wendy's.
Pre-children: Public tantrums are unacceptable.
Post-children: Removal of the child is only sometimes doable; predicting when a tantrum is going to strike is often impossible.
Pre-children: Complaints about childrearing and its hardships annoyed me (this was your choice, no?) and saddened me (parenthood is supposed to be a wonderful thing!).
Post-children: Parenthood isn't wonderful 100 percent of the time.
My day-to-day routine isn't what I envisioned it would be four years ago. Some of the things I imagine I'm judged on now are minor, others, a little more major. But mostly they are simple faults and I now know that they don't make me a bad parent. Sometimes I leave dirty diapers on the changing table. My children's socks don't always match. I forget to brush my daughter's hair. I use TV as a way to take a breather. I utilize the fast-food drive-thru. I bribe. I'm sometimes too easy. I'm sometimes too hard. I sometimes make the wrong decision, give the wrong punishment, ask too much, ask too little. But within all these minor and major faults is a singular truth: Most days, I'm doing the best I can. And I honestly believe that's a truth that can be applied to most parents: Most days, we're all doing the best we can.
Because here's another realization I've made as a parent: Everyone's situation is different. There is a story behind every action and inaction. Every parent has his or her own style. Every child has his or her own temperament. What might be a stellar day for my family has been a downright awful day for another -- perhaps the parent's job is in danger, their parent is sick or they just had an argument with their spouse. Perhaps the child is failing math or being bullied at school, or the toddler hasn't slept for two weeks. This can explain the short-temper in the grocery store or the harsher-than-necessary punishment, or the lack of care when it comes to sweets or TV or a late bedtime. We don't know, can't know, someone's entire story.
That said, I believe there are absolutes in parenting so yes, sometimes, I still judge. (And I realize that the irony of this piece is that in writing about not judging others, I'm now judging those who judge.) I know that, for some, it's impossible to provide their children with life's basic necessities: food, clothing and shelter. But I believe we, as parents, must try. I believe we must do what we can to protect our children from harm. I believe we should always love our children, even when, especially when, we don't like their actions, we disagree with their decisions or we're just having a difficult day with them.
But everything else is minor. Everything else doesn't matter. There are children who are abused, who go to bed hungry, who have never known love, and four years ago I was judging the toddler who watched an hour of "Sesame Street"?
I feel bad about my pre-children smugness. I feel bad about the sting I may have, unknowingly, made another feel. I feel bad -- and laugh out loud at the thought -- that I, at one time, before I had children, believed I knew better. Parenting is difficult enough -- there's no reason we should judge one another, not for the things that don't matter, anyway, and not for the things we see a snippet of rather than knowing the full story.
So to the parents I knew four years ago, I'm sorry. I know better now.

Friday, May 18, 2012

i can't sleep. i'm going to be hurting tomorrow because it's suppose to be a "big" day. tyler is having a field day and, although i have no idea what to expect, i hear it will be one "crazy,  fun filled day." when i hear those words, all i imagine is myself under the hot sun trying to smile through the pain and boredom. really. i even asked tyler if he would like to stay home tomorrow. he said, "but i'm not sick." and i replied, "we could fake an illness." omg! now that i think about it. what kind of parent says that to their child? haha...

today, i went to look at the new house. i don't have a key or anything but i can just walk right on in to see the progress of the house. jason took the boys to dinner for a fundraiser and i had to go an open house at another school cause i like spying on schools. anyways, i was alone and it was dark and as i turned the corner of our future family room, i came face to face with another individual! we both had little heart attacks. after realizing that we were both harmless, we cracked up laughing together. i found out she is a sophomore at the local school. she was really cute with smart looking glasses on. i could tell she had a good head on her shoulders. she told me she was going for a walk and decided to check out the house. i told her this will be my house in a couple of months and told her to come on by whenever she wanted. she was a very sweet girl and talking to her about high school made me think of my high school experience. i am so old and sappy now, but i was thinking, "wow...i was just in her place at one time in my life."

oh for reason, just reminds me...yesterday i talked to jessica, a former student of mine. she was 7 when she was in my 2nd grade class and now she is 17 and a junior in high school. my mom called me a couple of days ago and told me that jessica's mother came into her store in LA to ask my mom to ask me to call jessica. it was so good to talk to her. after we hung up, it made me think that i wish i could talk to all my former students somehow. wouldn't that be great to find out what they are up to? when you are a teacher, you love a group of students for one school year and after that year is over, you may or may not ever see them again. it's so sad. since our move to roseville, i have been saying that i would never work again if i didn't have to, but after talking to jessica, it made me yearn to be back in the classroom. yes, being a teacher is very hard work. it sometimes can be thankless and the pay sucks. yup, but when you have a former 2nd grade student looking for you to talk to you and knowing that you made a difference in ONE kid's life, it makes you think that you could do that for more children.

song by adele. aren't all her songs so soulful and moving?  have a great friday!!! yay!!! wish me luck tomorrow. i'm scared.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

i don't know if i ever posted this pic of tyler on this site. i took this pic of tyler "reading" an ok magazine when he was 11 months old and sent it via email to ok mag. i never heard back from them or anything but one day, a current issue of the mag showed up in our mailbox. i didn't think anything of it and as i flipped through it, i saw that they had printed the picture in the magazine! can you imagine my excitement?! a couple of days later, a bottle of champagne showed up with a note of thanks for the picture. jason thought i was crazy but hey, it's just a funny story to tell tyler when he gets older! :)

(don't ask me why he is wearing his korean hanbok. i have no idea. i thought it would make the picture more interesting! haha..)

i love looking at old pictures. isn't that funny for someone who hates taking pictures and being in them? i was looking at some old pics and saw this one of chase smirking at his grandparents and i thought it was cute. they grow quickly, don't they? i love my chasey. i always hug him and say, "he is my baby. he was born just yesterday." i know- it's a weird thing to say to your kid but i always say that about chasey. maybe cause i always want to keep him my "baby?" chasey, mama loves you.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

the boys LOVE michael jackson songs. is that why he is called the king of pop... cause if 4 and 7 year old kids like all your songs, you are onto something here.

anyways, just wanted to post their favorite michael jackson song, man in the mirror. they know every word and love singing this in the car.

i just saw the video for the first time right now and, wow, it really tugs at your heart, right?

i tell my boys that i want them to have good jobs when they are older. when they ask why, i tell them because i want them to be in a position to help other people.

here is a video for my boys. you sang this when you were younger and i hope it rings true as you get older. there is nothing you can't do. make a change. do something. i know you can.

if you can't see it here, please take the time to look at it here:

random thoughts:

1. just came back from my zumba class. the teacher is such a great dancer! she has great energy and reminds me of britney spears. the whole time i thought, "i wish my parents put me in dance class instead of wasting all their money on useless piano lessons!" right? cause what do i do with my piano lessons now? nada. nothing. zilch. (the only good thing about knowing how to play piano, for me, is that i know when tyler is messing up when he practices! haha... that's about all the years of piano ever got me!)you could tell the people in class who have some dancing experience. they are more polished and just better dancers overall. i wish i could dance like them! wahhH!! i try though with my fat ass. you gotta give me a damn A for effort! each zumba class is so different. some are more latin, some are more cardio like and some are very sensual. my favorite? hands down- hip hop. so much fun. it's like going clubbing (like marie says). yup, zumba has become my club where old women go to shake their asses without makeup, without men, without having to look "cute." going back to sensual zumba. last week, there was a subsitute zumba teacher and i swear she must have been a stripper in the past. lots of hip action going on. all she was missing was her pole. she even had the lights turned off the whole hour! she was running her hands through her hair and just looked "come hither.." omg. i suspected that she might be drunk or high. anyways, many people left the class halfway but i always feel bad for the teachers when their students leave midway so i stuck it out and tried not to look too stupid. it was hard to do.

2. i feel kind of bad today because a teacher from tyler's school asked if i could bring chase to school for 30 minutes today to be part of a skit they were doing to win some sort of competition. he said that if chase was in it, it would give the team an "upper hand." i feel so bad because i said i couldn't bring him. DUDE!! chase has school today and i have things to do! i get like 10 hours a week to myself while chase is in school and i look forward to taking my zumba class and enjoying my *quiet* house. i'm feeling pretty guilty about it though and hope no one gave tyler a hard time for not bringing his little brother to school today.

3. thank you so much marie and christina for texting me about my previous post. so sorry i didn't get back to you. the story is kind of a long one so it would have been hard for me to explain via text. to make a long story short: i went to a gym (not the one i'm going to right now) to try it out for a week FREE and the manager made me sign a contract but he guaranteed that i wouldn't be charged anything if i called within that first week to cancel. well, i wrote him an email the following day saying that i couldn't commit and a month later, i was charged $173 on my debit card. i found the charge on that saturday night and i was livid. i thought he would say that he didn't say that to me and that the contract was valid, and it would be my word against his. i couldn't sleep on saturday night and had trouble doing anything on sunday too. :( i was just sooo mad and worried that he would say, "oh no, you got me wrong. that is not what i said and you signed this contract." i was worried even though i had the email that i sent him and his response to it: "no problem." his response was so short so i thought he would say something like, "i meant 'no problem,' like you don't have to come into the gym, but we are still going to charge you." in any case, i wasted my monday morning to go over there (plus, i wasted time trying to look lawyer like) and he was sorry and gave me a full refund. i don't know why i was soooo worried and mad. rich says that i didn't have anything to worry about, but i just thought i got scammed. it all worked out though and i will never put myself in a situation like that again. what a waste of time and mental energy (both of which i need to save for other more important things).

4. chase does a funny, "back it up. back it up" just like genie in california adventure's aladdin show. you have to ask him to do it. one day i have to post a video of him dancing. he will kill me later for it but it is too funny not to share.

5. one thing i have not used in over a year? a dishwasher! i said that to the "design team" when i met with them to pick options for the house, and they were like so shocked! i just find that it takes the same about of effort and time to hand wash each thing that gets dirty. anyways, it was really funny to see the lady's reaction to it when i said it. you would think they thought i was stuck in the 40s or something! haha..

6. so then i came home and thought of what else i don't use that might surprise people. i never use a brush or comb. ever. it's not part of my daily routine, and have only used it in the past on special occasions- like prom or my wedding day. i wash and dry my hair, and that's it. i thought that this was like going to get a manicure or pedicure- just something that you do that is nice once is awhile but not necessary. weird right? i only recently found out that most people brush their hair every day!

7. who is down to help susan with our 20th reunion? haha....

8. too many damn choice and options on the house and it's making my head spin. oh dear. i hope it doesn't come out fugly, because really...if it does, i have no one else to blame but the old lady that stares back at me when i look in the mirror (i know that took you a split second to figure out. haha). too much pressure. when you buy an older house, you have the luxury of saying, "oh, the previous owners picked this out. isn't it ugly? we are just keeping it for the time being until we get around to changing it." can't say that when you are the one who picked everything! :(

9. school year is coming to an end. i'm so happy!! i get to hang out with my boys! i know, i am so contradictory. on one hand, i want them in school. on the other hand, i want them to be with me all the time. i know. i know. how can i want both? i don't know. i don't know. isn't that what all mommies think?!

10. 3 and half hours to go to the korean market yesterday. yup, 3 and a half hours so my fob king can have his kim chee. i'm thinking of getting some korean food delivered my mail via korean websites. think this is the next option that might be worth exploring. gas is too expensive to be making this trip often and i'm not about to learn how to make kim chee. omg...can you imagine me making kim chee? that is sheer craziness.

11. i don't like to brag about my boys in here (too much) because is there anything more annoying than an old korean mom who brags about everything her children do? like, my child can wipe his ass better than your child. omg...some moms are totally like that! but i have to share this one: tyler got voted class president of his class! isn't that awesome? it's really nothing and he won't be doing anything (cause school year is nearly over and, what the heck does a 2nd grade president do?!) but i'm so proud of him! he is my sweet sweet boy. he always tries his best, is so super responsible, and kind. ok, how about that for bragging! haha.... ok, i promise not to write another thing like this for a good year.

12. tyler has this watch that he used to wear 24 hours a day and look at it at ALL hours of the day. he would only take it off to take baths. but it recently broke and he is so sad about it. he is so dramatic sometimes. he said, "i feel lost without my watch." he has this "thing" with time. i can't even explain it further than that...but oh, my son sure does. just thought i would write this so we could laugh about it later.

13. if you are in a book store, please check out the book of awesome. i found it at barnes and noble and i loved it! it is so cute. it made me so happy. i couldn't stop smiling. it reminded me that it's the small things in life that make people happy. it's so true. i didn't buy it but it's one that i want my boys to look at when they get older. (boys, just be content and happy in the LITTLE things. life is precious and beautiful if you look around and observe all the little things that make it so.)

ok i think i wrote enough today to last me a good month or so. :) miss you all. life here is very boring. same thing every day. drop off boys, zumba, clean up, think about dinner (not cook dinner, just think about it.), pick my ass, pick the boys up, activities, read, sleep, wake up and, wow!, do it all over again! sounds so much fun....doesn't it?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

why have i never seen this site before?!! too funny!

i think howard stern is hilarious. i always have. here is a funny old clip that i found on youtube. i love artie's voice and laugh. it's one of those voices that just make me laugh even when what he says isn't actually funny.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

here is a pic of my mom and my older sister claudia. yup, i know. doesn't claudia look like she is still in college?! so not fair!! well, i think they are the two most beautiful women in the whole wide world!

Sunday, May 06, 2012

some random pics. the boys are getting so big now!

with my mom at disneyland. yup, chase put the apple in his mouth right when i took the picture.

the boys at the getty.

universal studios.

universal studios.

katie and sara at medieval times. i think they had fun!

with our OC neighborhood friends. we are going camping in august! can't wait!

i think this picture is funny because i was yelling at chase when ty took this picture.

with baby sadie.

in front of universal.

with grandpa and grandma at universal.

"ya know i'm sexy."

look how empty universal was!

with sara at a korean restaurant.

chase on the carousel at disneyland.

ockinderprep reunion.

the boys again. sorry the pics are out of order. jason was throwing water balloons at them and they were having the time of their lives! :)

i am so mad right now- at one person and at myself. i can't go to sleep. my heart is thumping. i will stay mad until it is resolved and i have to wait till tomorrow morning to have something done about my problem. i am sooo mad at myself. i am so stupid. if things don't work out the way that i want tomorrow, the person i am mad at is the biggest liar in the world. i can't even wake jason up right now because i don't want to get him upset over the situation. i just have to resolve it myself (hoping that i can) and tell him about it afterwards. i haven't been this mad in a long time. i will explain myself in a couple of days. too annoyed (and embarrassed) to write about the situation right now. i feel like screaming. i feel like fighting. i feel like crying. if things don't go my way tomorrow (meaning that this guy will turn out to be the biggest liar and jerk), i will think less of this world. i will seriously think less of man kind. i can't believe that i'm wasting my TIME right now thinking about this and will waste more time tomorrow to resolve it. that alone pisses me off because i don't like to waste time away from the boys. oh, why did i get myself into this mess? i should have known something like this could have happened. i should have been strong enough to walk away when i had an inkling that the man was a con artist. why did i get myself into this? it's my word against his. oh wow... i've never been in a situation like this. what makes it worse is that i didn't keep any of the paperwork. yup, like a freakin idiot, i trusted this guy so much that i actually THREW away the contract. yup, you read correctly. threw it in the trash. so really, it's my word against his. oh please god, tell me this is one bad oversight and when he sees me tomorrow, he will apologize for the mess he has caused. please don't tell me that he will say, "what are you talking about? i never said that to you." oh please god, tell me he is an honest guy. i don't think i could ever get over the disappointment in others..and myself. i'm so sad right now.