Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Monday, June 30, 2003

Indirect insults or what?

A lot of people recently have told me that I remind them of:
(And keep in mind, not because io the way I look, but rather the way I act!!)
-Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days (She tried to LOSE a guy!)
-Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde (Everyone takes her for a fool and laughs at her!)
-Trista on the Bachlorette because I sound/talk like her. (Even I couldn't stand her voice!)

Ok, so I occasionally do psycho things to the b-friend, speak in annoying shrill baby talk, and say some nonsensical times.

Should I be hurt or what?!

I'm back from Chick-ago! (cheers & applause) And it still doesn't feel like summer vacation. Wierd. There are so many things that I have to do and I feel slightly overwhelmed. First on my list: workout! Claudia's wedding is in three weeks and I am feeling like an overstuffed sausage. My itinerary in Chicago looked something like this: eat here, eat there, eat everywhere! And of course, the annual Taste of Chicago just had to start when I was there and that is something that I just had to check out.

I left for Chicago feeling excited, light, and airy.
I left Chicago feeling exhausted, bloated, and...ew, like, gross.

I must morph back into my pre-Chicago body and mind.

Monday, June 23, 2003

First official day of summer break, and it still doesn't really "feel" like it. Today, I cleaned the apartment, washed Thumper, and did the laundry. Oh when, oh when will the fun begin?

Claudia's bridal shower went well. She got lots of gifts that she will enjoy during the honeymoon. Or, shall I say David will enjoy. hehe. It was a lot of laughs, silliness, and girliness. Enough to make any warm blooded male throw up.

I talked to Susan for like hours yesterday. Man, I could talk to that girl forever. I don't know how we have so much to say all the time! In junior and high school, we used to call each other at least three times a day- this is after hanging out most of the school day together! I would say that Susan has been there for me through most of my important growing years and she probably knows more about me and my family than anyone else. We were pretty much joined at the hip. After we graduated, when I saw anyone from high school, one of the first questions they would ask me is, "How is Susan doing?" I would get a kick out of that. A funny story about Susan is that when people tell her she is crazy, she tells them that she got it from me!. You see, when I first met Susan, she was pretty shy and quiet, and now she is a wild, outgoing, crazy women! I don't know when, but she has completely surpassed me in wildness like years ago! I get a kick out of this too.

Saturday, June 21, 2003

Claudia's bridal shower is today! After months of worrying and planning, the day has finally arrived. I hope everything goes without a hitch. I am fine just as long as I think about it as an informal gathering of all her friends. We split up the duties among the six bridemaids so planning wasn't as crazy as I thought it would be. Doris, David's sister was great in helping with the planning.

I have nothing to wear though! I bought this really cute, flowery top that I thought I would wear if I ended up going on some tropical vacation this summer (I like to think positively!), but it might be a little too, um, revealing. Not slutty, just "OK, bam, I am here!" and I don't know if I want that kind of look with my sister's friends who I don't know all that well and haven't seen in ages. Hmmm, decisions, decisions. Life is so full of them!

Thursday, June 19, 2003

So who am I- the Spaz?

I am a 25 year-old teacher living in Los Angeles. Palms Area, to be exact.

I live with my friend Jen who I met my freshman year in college. We’ve lived together for three years in college and now two years in Los Angeles.

I love being a teacher and there is nothing I rather do right now. I could go on and on about this, but will leave it at that for now.

I could eat Japanese food for every meal. Ask anyone. I could have sushi every night. I love it.

I also loved chocolate. This is in past tense because my love for this has diminished over the years, possibly due to over consumption.

I have an older sister who I adore (I couldn’t have asked God for a better match.), a younger brother who has grown up into a fine man that I respect, a mother who I want to be like when I get older, and, lastly, a dad, who with all his imperfections and oddities showed me, without a shadow of a doubt, how much he loves me.

People say that I am cheap. I like to refute this statement, but a part of me knows it is true. I like to think that I am not cheap, just wise with my money. I just don’t like spending on things that don’t mean that much to me. For example, I don’t like eating at fancy restaurants (well, if I have to pay!) and blow a $100 on a meal. I rather keep that for something else that I would enjoy more or get more pleasure from. For example, a pair of really expensive sunglasses or shoes! (ha!)

I like doing/making things with my hands. You know my hobby of decorating cakes. But there are others. Now, don’t laugh. Sewing, baking, floral arranging. This summer I want to make some scrapbooks from the boxes and boxes of pictures collecting dust in my closet. Crap like that. I take silly classes on whatever interests me. People laugh, but it is a stress reliever for me. I really get some satisfaction of making something with my own hands rather than buying it made somewhere else. Now, what have I made and am I any good? Well, no. But I like to do it!

I like working out. This is an outlet for me that I need. Otherwise, I turn into a mean bitch. (No! Just kidding. Just wondering if you are keeping up with this long list!) No, I just like to sweat. It is a great feeling to push yourself physically, like fighting this feeling inside you that just wants to give up.

I graduated from Whitney High School in Cerritos (Class of 1996) and UC Berkeley (Class of 2000). Not that in matters, but if you know anything about these two schools, then you will understand what kind of culture/ thinking I grew up in.

One thing that I’ve always dreamed about becoming is a mother. What can I say? I am baby crazed! I love children. If I am able to, and if my finances permit, I would love to have four kids. My belief on family: The bigger, the better. So I hope my future husband comes from a big family with siblings, cousins, second cousins, etc. That would be fun.

I am a bit of a worrywart and I get anxious about things. Hence- a spaz. Deep in my heart, I know that everything will be fine, but there are times of anxiety about things. That is why I need a man who is strong enough for both of us, and one who will not only tell me that everything will be ok, but also one who could deliver!

I love reading books. Anything: non-fiction, fiction, children’s, etc. I love them all. I love going to the bookstore, though I am always afraid that I will end up spending money. So, I love the public library even more!

As far as with my social life, I am very two faced. There are periods when I go crazy like the next girl. Partying it up! But, then I start hating waking up groggy at 12:00 the next day, and all the money involved (Remember, I like to spend on things that matter to me. And getting wasted off of $20 drinks are not worth it.) As those feelings and thoughts start to take over, I then enter the even longer spells of being a homegirl. Not home-girl, but a girl who likes to stay at home! (ha…not funny!)

I truly could stay in my room/ apartment for days at a time. I would entertainment myself, pick up a project, read…do anything. I have no problems being myself. As a matter of fact, I need it to keep myself sane.

Friends? They are all over the spectrum. If I lined up all the people that I am close to, you would see what I am taking about. I don’t know how to elaborate further, but you get the gist. Lets jus say that my husband will have to be open minded, outgoing, and easy going. My closest closest friends, though, are easy going, good natured, kind, down to earth, and funny!

My flaws? I don’t like cleaning, and I am not as neat as I think a proper girl should be. (Nothing that a good maid won’t be able to fix!) As far as flaw from a male standpoint: I don’t enjoy sports. I would watch it. I would go to a game or two. But, I just don’t get it. Basically, I’ll grin and bear it. As long as he grins and bears the trips to the mall. (ha!)

I believe in God. I am far from being a "Good Christian," but I have no doubt in His presence in my life.

There is more, but here is the Cliffnotes version to “Who is the Spaz?” in erradic thoughts.

Yesterday, I passed out personal letters that I had written to each of my students. They were all different, but it pretty much said that I was glad that he/ she was in my class, proud of his improvements, one memory of the child that I have, that I know he will accomplish much in the future, and that I would miss him. After I passed them out, for a long time, there was silence as the students read. Some students read theirs over and over. One student cried. Others seem to want to follow. I hope they will remember me, but being 7 and 8 years old, I am sure they probably won't. I'm OK with that. Just as long as they take on a positive attitude that they could learn and do anything with them to the next grade, and hopefully their future teachers won't extinguish that and my babies will still believe that when they are all grown up.

Kids are so damn funny. Last month, my class had a unit on dental care. On a whim, yesterday I said, "Can you believe that even after we have learned about sugar bugs and how they attack your teeth if you don't brush them off, some students in this class don't brush in the mornings and at night?" Then I added, "Should I tell you who brushes twice a day and who doesn't?" (Like I would know!) All the culprits yell out in horror, "NO!" and give themselves away immediately.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Happy Belated Birthday to the best roommate in the world. I suck, I know. You know this too. But you are so kind and nice to me all the time!

2 more days of school!
Today= clean up.
Tomorrow=end of the year party!
Friday=party like it's 2999!!

Monday, June 16, 2003

I am angry at Blogspot for only posting one entry on a page, though it says 7 posts in my settings. I am contemplating following Kristen's move and getting a Xanga site. Though I feel comfortable here and I don't want to move, it is practically forcing me to. I hate its lack of functions, how changes in my templates take an hour at least to view, how I can't download pictures. I read that they are "working on this bug." Lets see how much I can take.

Saturday, June 14, 2003

Saturday Morning

Woke up at 6:30 this morning to get started all my long list of to-dos.

First thing on my list. I have to put away the laundry that Claudia did for me last week. Yes, my sister did my laundry. Isn't that sweet? I wonder how much longer I can sweet talk her into doing kind things for me now that she will be a married women soon. Hopefully, never. Now, all I have to do in an inventory check of what went out and what came back since clothes seem to mysteriously disappear when Claudia does my laudry and they miraculously reappear on Claudia's body when I unexpectedly visit.

Second thing on my list. Put a picture of myself up on Now, this will happen only if I find a nice picture of myself-alone. But, I already know that I don't have any pictures of myself, so I don't think this will happen today.

Third thing on my list. Call a colleague of mine to tell her that I cannot go to her baby's "dol" (Baby's first birthday in Korea). Which I am scared/sad to do because I told her yesterday that I would make it and even made plans with other teachers on carpooling (which reminds me, I should call them too). BUT, yesterday night, my mom calls me to tell me that my youngest uncle is here from Korea and we are having dinner with him tonight. "Yes, nice. Thanks for the advance notice." My family always does this-tell us at a moment's notice- so I am not particularly surprised. We have gently told them that we need to be aware of such things way in advance, but it never happens so all we can do from killing each other and pulling out our hair is laugh. When we were younger, my mom and dad would wake up and tell us, "Get your stuff together. We are going to Vegas!" ("ohh. kay.") They are just last minute people. It even happened just last week...a mere seven days ago! My mom called me up on Friday night to "let me know" that my oldest uncle's wife (duh, I guess that would make her my aunt.) was here from Korea and that we would have dinner with her on Saturday. Dude, de-ja-vous. And,I almost missed Annie's birthday party. But, thankfully, the festivities lasted way into the night so I was able to attend even though I was hours late. God, my parents must think that all we do is sit around and pick our noses all night long sitting by the phone anxiously waiting for them to save us from our miserable, lonely existence.

Fourth thing on my list. Need to ice a carrot cake I made last night. Ok, so the recipe says that cinnamon is optional, so me, not particularly liking cinnamon in anything else that I eat, omit it from the batter. And then, my carrot cake comes out tasting rather bland, like any ol' yellow cake with bits and pieces of carrots in it. Nice. So, today I am going to try to alter/make better/ make more edible this cake by lathering on some cream cheese icing. Cause, you know, everything tastes better with icing! Ain't that the truth!

Fifth thing on my list. Report cards, cumulative reports-school stuff I need to take care of. Fun. I just need to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, I only have four more days of school. Yes!! Halleluiah! Halleluiah! Well, that light is rather dim right now, but, like on Karate Kid, I need to focus. focus.

Sixth thing on my list. Ok, this isn't something that I need to do, but somethiing that I wanted to share. Last Sunday, I was with Claudia and David the whole day while they took their engagment pictures. OK, so don't think I just stood there while they took pictures now. I was their fashion stylist, their jacket holder, their hair checker (you know, the person that checks hair so it's not out of place!), their shoulder to lean on, yadda, yadda, yadda. You get the picture. Anyways, Claudia looked so so beautiful. And you know, she is beautiful without the make-up, and the hair, and the clothes (The ones I picked out, by the way. Needed to throw that in there.), but with all that, she was more so. I kept staring her and I told her over and over that she looked soooo gorgeous and that she never looked prettier. At first, she was happy to hear those words. Later in the day,as I continued to look at her in awe, like some miracle had taken place, she was insulted. The spaz needs to learn when to shut her big mouth.

So why am I a spaz? Some of you may ask. Well, to those really close to me, that answer is obvious, right? Well, part of the reason is that I am a girly-girl, at times emotional, and just spaz out once in awhile. I don't think I explained that well. Maybe I'll try again so other time. Let's just put it like this, I have heard my name and spaz in the same sentence more than enough times. Anyways, a story to give you some insight to me: I was driving and Luther Vandross' new song, "Dance with my Father" came out on 95.9 and I start crying. I don't what it was: the lyrics (it is about the death of a father), knowing that Luther Vandross can't sing anymore since his stroke, that Father's Day is just around the corner, that my sister is getting married, that school is over soon and I won't be able to see my babies anymore, PMS, etc. But I cried. OK, and the whole time thinking, "Gosh, I am a spaz."

Well hope you have (had) a great weekend. As you could see, my weekend will be packed as I cross things off from this list one by one. Thanks for reading and helping me clear my head.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Day of Laughs

Went on a field trip to the Cabrillo Aquarium and Beach today. Everything went great, except that I had to face a mother who got upset at me for reprimending her daughter for pushing another student down on the ground. ("I don't care if they were playing Chinese jumprope and the other girl was the one in the middle jumping! She kicked my child and I told my daughter that if anyone lays hand, feet, whatever on her, she should let the other person have it!" See what I have to deal with?)

I had so much fun with my students on the bus coming back. One student started imitating another student in the class, then more kids started getting into it. It was hilarious! Imagine a group of 7 and 8 year olds imitating one another! What a crack up! The best thing about it was that they were doing an awesome job imitating, with perfect intonation, saying things verbatim that the child had said before, and with perfect hand and body motions.

(OK, you just had to be there. But, trust me, it was really funny!)

Another sight to see what this one girl in my class. I had told them earlier that they could not go in the water, but that they could walk along the shore and get their feet wet. Well, this morning, one girl tells me she is wearing a swimming suit. I think, "That's fine." Anyways, at the beach, I walked them to the water and tell them that they could only get their feet wet. I turn around to talk to a parent and I hear all the kids yelling, "Look at Kalynn!" I turn back around to see that this little girl in dreadlocks has stripped off her clothes, revealing a bikini (!), and is frolicking in the water like she's Miss Thang. ("" is right.) I was shocked and the only thing I could really do was laugh. I let her play in the water awhile, (Obviously, she needed it.) and then had her get out and put her clothes back on. It was truly a sight to see.

Ok, one more story! Afterschool, I have the radio on and this young girl is shaking her booty. (Think I Like Big Butts.) Anyways, this other girl walks in, shakes her head, and says "Oh no, I hope you never get invited to party." hahaha.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Like, why am I tired all the freakin time? In hopes of finding some answers to my problem, I went to Borders the other day to buy The Power of Full Engagement. This book was recommended by Oprah, and it is suppose to outline some ways to channel energy properly... or something. But, it was $26! I decided I could easily find the book at the public library and left the book where I found it. I rather be tired than broke.

So, what IS my problem? I eat fairly well, eat breakfast everyday, work out on a semi-regular basis, work 6 hour days, am trying (and succeeding) to wean from caffeine, etc. etc. I am the ideal poster child for a healthy life style. (ok, I exaggerate here.) I am only 25! What gives?

Doris, David's sister, is coming over any minute to talk about Claudia's bridal shower, and my place is a freakin' mess. And I have no energy to clean up. Maybe I'll just tell her, "Please excuse the mess. I am in the process of moving." That's not actually a lie; I am in the some sort of mental process of moving. She doesn't have to know that I'm moving moving in late July.

God, I just want to take a nap....

Friday, June 06, 2003

I have something to confess.

I love buying in bulk.
I love going to Costco.
It is one of my favorite places to shop.
It reminds me of when I was young and I went to Costco with my family. God, my dad loved that place.
There were times when we would ask him, "Dad, don't you have stuff from Costco to get?" just to get him out of the house. And he would go.
When I walk through Costco now, I can pick out all the things that my family has once purchased. This list would include pratically everything in the store:
- the huge bags of chicken-chicken wings, chicken nuggets. Anything chicken, we've had it!
- the should-be-outlawed yellow tub of margarine
- bags of beef jerky that we would send over to Korea (Don't they have beef jerky over there?)
- boxes of Hershey's chocolates that we would send over to Korea. (Now, I know they have that!)
So, back to what I was saying.
I love buying in bulk.
So Jen and my refrigerator and cupboards are packed.
(If you think I am kidding, come look at it.)
And when people come over, they ask if I am getting ready for war.
Or an earthquake.
And they jokingly ask, how many people all this food feeds.
And I have to answer that it is only for me and Jen.
I am ashamed to say that some of the food ends up in the trash.
And can you believe I get a sense of:
when I throw away an empty box or container because that means I consumed it and didn't waste it?

Anyways, I can't wait to have a family so I could go buy in bulk all the time! That would give me an actual reason and purpose for my bulk shopping! This is actually a dream of mine- to walk through Costco with Claudia on a weekend and divvy up all the stuff for our families. Fun stuff, I tell you. I said this to Jen and Weikuo once and they said that they were happy to know that I had really high aspirations and that my dream could be fulfilled that day!

Oh yeah, I said that I would write about my first tiered wedding cake. It went fine. After that night, I am pretty confidant that I could make my own wedding cake. It wouldn't be too hard actually. I would just have to bribe someone to transport to to the wedding site for me. (Richard?) I'm not saying that it would be pretty or look anything like the wedding cakes in bridal magazines, but I think people on the whole would be forgiving. Right? I mean, "Damn, give me a break, I tried! And I'm getting married today!" It might even be kind of cute, in a way- the bride and her beginners cake looking all stupid. haha. That's me!

I'm really getting into this cake baking/making business. I'm not too much of a cook (yet), but there is something about making a cake, decorating it, and giving it to someone on a special celebratory day. I've made and given a number of cakes so far, and you should see the faces on the recipients! You would think that I gave them a real something something! Those looks completely outweighs the negatives of spending a whole day in the kitchen, surrounded in baking hell, and trying so hard to make that one perfect flower. (Once, my hands hurt so bad that Jen literally had to turn the flower nail for me! That was fun!) Anyways, it is fun, so if there is anyone that is remotely interested, I would tell you to go and learn.

What luck.

Today, three girls from my class who were sitting around me at recess excitedly told me that I had a ladybug in my hair. Without a second thought, I quickly brushed my hair with my hand hoping to get the it out. It worked. And the ladybug landed on the ground. The three girls stared at the poor ladybug and gasped. When I asked what was wrong, they said, "Ms. Park, ladybugs in your hair is good luck!"

There goes my luck.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Exciting day!
I am going on a field trip and making my first tier cake. Will write how things go!

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Guess what a student asked me today? She asked me if I was going to have a baby! When I asked her why, she said that it looked like I was pregenant! Haha, kids say the darnest things! Well, I know that I am gaining weight, but...

I am going to make myself believe that this question came from a child who saw that her teacher was wearing a new shirt that resembles materity wear.

Three more weeks of school! Yeah!
Going through the motions....

I realize that I don't like "adult" cereal. I'm eating Honey Bunches of Oats right now, and the sugar content just doesn't cut it.
Bring me Lucky Charms and the little chocolate chip cookie ceral anyday!