Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Monday, May 02, 2016

No way. Does this thing even work? This past year has been life changing, more so than any other year of my life.

I thought I would come here and post some things about me so Tyler and Chase could get to know their mommy a little more.  :)

1. I am an introvert at heart for sure. I can stay in my home for DAYS on problem. I can ALWAYS find something to do, read, cook, or watch. And most days, I prefer to stay home. HOWEVER, once I am out of the house and meeting new people and talking to them, I have the BEST time ever and always laugh like crazy and wonder why I am such a homebody!

2. I love the song Hero by Enrique Iglesis. This song holds a lot of memories for me. I used to listen to this song when I first started working, when I had an apartment with Jennifer Wu in LA, and when the Twin Towers came down. Such an amazing time to be young and in charge! :)

3. I hate cooking. Sorry boys, momma did not like to cook. I tried to hide that fact from you but you probably could tell! :) I could eat anything small and call it a day. I don't like wasting hours in the kitchen. I don't see the point. I can eat an easy, simple, healthy meal all the same. AND, if given the choice to spend my reading with you or be in the kitchen, I would pick reading with you every time.

4. When I die, the only thing I want people to say about me is that I loved my boys and tried my best to be a good mom.

5. One thing I am most thankful for? for my boys, of course. I don't understand parents who could abandon their own children. I could never befriend someone who would abandon their child.

6. I think I can find humor in anything and everything. Your momma likes to laugh!

7. Favorite talk show host? Conan O'Brien. Favorite comedian at the moment? Heather McDonald. See! I like to laugh!

I guess that's all for today! If I can think of more, I'll come back on this thing. It's pretty amazing that I can still write on this thing!

Monday, June 16, 2014

June 16, 2014. I haven't written in here in so long that the format on which to type this note looks different.

So what has been going on? For starters, and the biggest news of all, is that we are moving back to OC. So exciting, everyone says. Aren't you so excited to be going back home?

Home? This is home. We've been here for three years. In that time, I have learned this area. I have gotten used to this area. I've called this area home.

So you would think that I would be jumping up and down to be going back to OC, but I'm not. Instead, I feel apprehension. I feel anxious. I ask myself if we've made the right decision. Is this move the best for Tyler and Chase? Is this the best for me and Jason?

I will miss it here. I will miss the people we have met here. I will miss our friends. All these people I have gotten to know, thinking I would be here for at least 20 years. With that in my mind, I have laughed with, share my thoughts with, broken bread with my new friends here.

I think I'm suppose to be happy to move back and be closer to everything I thought I would miss when I move up here. Strange how life is. Now, I feel like I belong here and I will miss everything here.

Tyler just finished 4th grade. It's amazing to think that I only have eight years with my first son until he goes off to college. I'm anticipating so many changes from now until that day. The growth- physical and mental- will be shocking, I'm thinking. He is still my baby. He loves to be hugged. He loves to be told I love him. He still loves to be babied. But, one day, he will be independent and become this mature man that I envision he will be one day. Of course, being a mom, all of this comes with fears. As a mom, I just want to protect him from everything: from pain, from rejection, from humiliation. If I could have a wish, I would dream that Tyler would live a life of complete and utter happiness each and every day. But, at the same time, I know that is not the definition of a life. A life is full of roller coasters, of highs and lows, of mountains and valleys, and of happiness and sadness. I hope in these times, he will turn to God for guidance and strength. I hope he will remember that his mommy loves him more than anything and am so proud to call him my son.

Chase just finished 1st grade. What is there to write about my Chasey?  He is the cutest child I have ever met. Best personality. Best attitude. He gives the best hugs, and I love kissing and biting his cheeks. He is loved beyond words. His little face can make my heart sing and warm my soul like no other. I told him the other day that he was the apple of my eye. He said, "well, that's fine but I'm sure it will be slimy in your eye." I love the faces his makes when he is talking. I love his no-nonsense voice he does when he states a fact or is trying to sound smart. I love how he has the ability to calm even the most anxious of nerves with his smile and his words. I love his independent spirit. Chase, always know you are loved. You are my little angel.

I could write pages and pages and fill all the books in the world of my love for my boys. My heart feels like it is bursting just writing about them. If I ever doubt that there is a God, I will always look at my angels and know that God is real. Otherwise, where does this absolute feeling of love come from? I love watching them grow up. I am in awe of every phase I am honored to be see them take as they grow.

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Random thoughts:

1. Now that the boys are in school full time, the first thing everyone asks me is, "OMG! What do you do with all your time?" I know...I ask myself the same question too! I don't know what I do but I am ALWAYS busy!

2. For some reason, I don't remember Fall or Winter in this house. I remember it in the Roseville house but I don't have too many vivid memories of Fall or Winter here. Strange, right? Hopefully will make some memories in this house this time around!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Random thoughts:

1. I just realized that we lost about 120 dollars worth of boy clothes on our cruise and hotel stay in Vancouver. Makes me so sad when I lose things! I know it's only 120 dollars but mad at myself. I feel like I'm always losing things when we travel. I mean, how hard is it to double check the room and make sure I get everything. I will NEVER let this happen again!! So mad at myself!! Urgh!!

2. Totally random, but I hated Miley Cryus's VMA performance. I didn't watch the whole show but just saw a little clip of her. It just wasn't cute or anything! First thought I had is, I would not be wearing that if I had a butt like hers! And second thought, what if I was watching this with the boys? I would have been irate because isn't the VMA suppose to be a family show? Third thought, wow...desperate for attention. Fourth thought, just so dumb.... anyways, just on my mind right now.

3. Is it already Fall? Fall is usually my favorite season. I usually love it and look forward to it, but this year...not so much! I want to keep the sun for as long as possible. I'm not looking forward to gray skies and rain or cold weather this year...yuck!!! I guess because the boys will be in school so much and I feel like I will be so alone. Ah, poor me! At least I have Kali. :)

So guess that is it for now...easing myself back into this thing called blogging!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

One more thing today.

Why do I love piano music so much? I really really really LOVE Jim Brickman and anything that sounds close to his songs. I've said this many times before, but I literally feel my heart do leaps when I hear piano music. It's just so beautiful..

How could people NOT believe in a God? Do they hear this lovely music that could ONLY come from god? Do they not see their gorgeous beautiful children grow from tiny babes to children with strong arms that reach out to give them hugs? If you don't view children as little miracles sent from heaven, I don't know where you think children come from. Do they not see the different types of flowers, trees, and fruits and think of how wonderfully creative our God is? How the sun rises when our bodies need to and sets as we need gloriously this has all been planned out by someone? Well, when I see these things, I thank my Lord above who made me and loves me.

Ok, my "one more thing" turned into two more things. :)

I would say this blog has been totally revived with three posts in two days! Yipee!!! I love writing down my thoughts on here with the hope that Tyler and Chase will probably read it one day and see how their mommy has grown, made mistakes, learned, laughed, cried, and lived. And how much I loved being their mommy more than anything else in the world.

I don't think I would have ever recounted this story on here before, but since I have absolutely no readers, who cares what I write on this thing, right? haha...

A man came to my house to fix a lighting problem that we had been experiencing. We didn't talk much. I just showed him the problem I thought we were having (and showed him that the problem was not made up or in my head because I thought he would say it was!). He finished quickly while I went downstairs to talk to a neighbor and, before he left, I had to sign some paperwork and say bye and thank you.

Before he turned to walk away, he said, "I have to tell you. You have the nicest smile."

Aw, that made my day. :)

I don't know. Usually, if compliments come from a sleezy, greasy looking guy, I would be repulsed, but this guy just seemed like the nicest, most down to earth, hard working guy, and his words just seemed so sincere and nice.

I just wanted to keep that in here because, as silly as it may be, it made me happy for a second.


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

It's the first day of the year! Well, not really, but for me it is. You see, it is the first day of school for the boys! (well, just meet the teacher day, but i'll take it!) so since it is the first day of the year for me, I decided to write in my blog. i'll probably have a lot more time to write in here now that the boys will be in the SAME school with SAME hours every day, (FINALLY!) so hopefully, i'll be able to revive this dying (or already dead) blog.

some random thoughts.

1. can't believe tyler will be in fourth grade this year. oh where does the time go? academically, he is all there, but sometimes i wonder if he is still a baby inside compared to the other kids. the other day, he was making "tents" in his room with chase and the first thing i thought was, "oh goodness, what did i do okaying his move up a grade? he is not ready for fourth grade. he is laughing and having a gay ol' time camping out with blankets!" sorry if that sounds harsh, but that was my first sincere thought!

2. my little chase will be in 1st grade. wahoo...full time student! one drop off and pick up for me....sounds glorious, doesn't it? i can't believe this day is finally here. i sooooo eeeexxxcccciiitttteeeddd! not excited that they will be away from me, but excited that pick up and drop off times are the same so i have to spend less time on the road!

3. trying to eat healthier. that's always the goal right? well, after we got back from the cruise, i knew that i had to kind of detox from ALL, i mean, the crazy amounts of food that i ate on the ship, so I've been trying to go raw vegan and it feels so good. i love it. its funny how you learn, and grow, and change as you age. i ate like crap growing up (mcdonalds, spam, taco bell were staples), and i never thought i would get to a point when i would look at that stuff and think.... that is not REAL food!!! that is crap!

4. speaking of going raw vegan. i know for a fact that if i lived alone (not married and no kids) i have no doubt that i would be raw vegan...for so many reasons. 1. health 2. energy levels 3. skin feels great! 4. it's soooooo damn easy to eat raw vegan because it means you don't have to COOK!!!!! how amazing is that?!! and most of the food you just wash and eat! some salads might involve minimum chopping (totally optional) but that is it! i'm also in love with my vitamix and blending up smoothies. we've literally made some sort of smoothie at least 5 times a week this summer. i'm kind of sad that i didn't feed the kids a little healthier when they were little. i mean, we didn't eat bad BAD, but it was definitely not as clean or thought out or nutrition based as it is now. better late than never and they are still young i guess, but i just wish i started earlier.

5. i'm still trying to figure out one this on this vegan diet. is too much fruit bad for you? i mean, they say fruits are great for you but is TOO MUCH too much because you are getting too much sugar then? some say sugar from fruit is different from the "bad" sugars people talk about and other people say that sugar is sugar and that sugar feeds cancer!! who to believe?! i'm trying to do some research online and there are so many conflicting thoughts on it! there are people who literally eat 30 bananas on day (this intrigues me for some reason) and then there are people who point their fingers at those people and think, "they all must be bananas!" any thoughts on this from any person who might ever read this one day would be great! ....which means i will never get thoughts on this because who would ever find their way to this site? :)

6. instagram is user name is cristinakim44. follow me, i'll follow you. it'll be fun. :)

7. my neck has been hurting lately after sleeping in a wrong sleeping position. don't know what is going on because it's been happening more than it should in the last few months. Jason is like, don't sleep that way and i'm like, what way? i have no idea what position i'm in because i'm asleep!! i am sure i toss and turn before ending up in a contorted sleeping position. any suggestions? i'm in pain here and any ounce of pain in not good for me because it causes me not to do things around the house that i really should be, cooking are the main two things!

8. speaking of cooking and cleaning, I've been thinking lately how wonderful it would be to have full time housekeeper/ cook. this is nothing that I've ever really thought about or dreamed of. i mean, i never grew up with a housekeeper or cook while growing up and this wasn't even a possibility or something that i even thought of as an option growing up. but now that i see that some people have them and i see people on tv with them, i think of how awesome that would be to have a full time person in your house to do all the cooking and housekeeping around the house! wouldn't that be awesome!

9. tyler stopped playing piano for a year but he has been really into it for the last few weeks. i am sooo excited about this because i LOVE piano music and hope he will play better than i do when he grows up!

well, just a quick hello to my peeps! it's almost favorite season!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

dedicated to claud....yup, very ghetto but chill and mellow indeed. love that you know me so well.