Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

random thoughts

1. i always think i have a lot to write on here, but the moment i log in, i always ask myself, "what is there to write about? nothing at all!!"

2. the boys went to a basketball game with jason tonight and i had 4 hours of peace and quiet! yay! it was so nice! jason got season tickets to sacramento kings' games and when he told me, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "don't expect me to go!" i'm such a bad wife sometimes. well, i've been to one and it wasn't  THAT bad, i guess, but i would rather stay home and shave my legs than go to another game (which is precisely what i did the second i heard the door close behind them. hehe) so they took one of tyler's friends tonight and all was good.

3. so anyways, the kings game that i went to, i realize that i like ALL the other things at sporting events minus the actual sport. for example, at this particular basketball game, i thoroughly enjoyed the half time program, seeing someone attempt and win a ipod mini, the kiss cam is ALWAYS a pleaser, and the bongos are fun too. i didn't watch much of the actual game at all- maybe a minute here or two after i heard the crowd cheering. (i would perk up to see that something amazing had passed and i missed all the exciting stuff.)  i also realize that i love ALL the music at basketball games...mostly hip hop. i need to find the NBL playlist or something because i need to download some of dat! :) the girl sitting in front of me was also not interested in the game at all. she was interested in one thing.....her damn self!! girl was taking pictures of herself for a good hour, i swear! she would hold the camera up in front of her face and snap, then examine it, then take another one, then take another one, be happy with one, then use filters on it, and then make a collage of the pictures, then facebook it, then write back to comments from them. yup, i saw this whole thing going on. it was sheer comedy. it was so fauny because from where i was sitting, i could see her face on her phone and she was trying to look so damn cute and changing the angle of her face, her smirk, her eyes, etc. i wanted to laugh with someone about her behavior but no one around her seemed to pay any attention to her (probably because they were more interested in the GAME, unlike me). at one point though, i did hear some girls sitting one row above me asking, "what the hell is she doing?" and i knew they were talking about her. it was SOOOO funny. i am sure if she sat next to me, we would have ended up talking the whole night because neither of us cared for that game at all!!!!!! i just found it funny. i wouldn't ever be so bold to do that and look sooo absorbed with myself, but i loved how she didn't care for the game at all and she didn't care if anyone else knew it. while here i was, faking my interest as best as possible and trying to keep my eyelids open. (i actually asked jason to buy me a coke because i was so scared i would fall asleep. i thought the caffeine would help me, and it did.)

4. i have "friends" on facebook who are not really my friends in the definition of what we think of as friends. not at all. one girl, i met at the gym and we worked out together a couple of times when we would bump into each other, and there are many more just like her. however, even though we are not really "friends," i would never "defriend" them. why? because i truly want to know what is going on in their lives. just because you haven't spent that much time with someone (and it gets so hard as you get older and have kids and family stuff to do), it doesn't mean that i don't care about them. for example, the girl that i met at the gym. i knew she was such a sweet girl when we first met. sometimes, for whatever reason, you just click with certain people more than others and we just clicked. strange how that works. i was so thrilled for her when i found out on facebook that she made it to nursing school because i knew she was working towards it and i let her know it. i guess what i'm trying to say is  that there are people who leave a imprint in your heart, even if you only know them for a short time, and when you see goodness in someone, it feels good to root for them on this journey called life.

good night. it is 11:10 and i should go to sleep. :) good night, sleep tight!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

it hit me today that my baby will be turning 8 in a couple of months! oh dear, where did the time go? i went back tonight to look at some old pictures of tyler. (i know, too much time on my hands. :) this picture was taken two days after tyler was born. you can imagine why i never posted this picture on this site...haha, omg, i am not one of those ladies that look "normal" after labor and delivery! actually, i have to say that i weighed MORE after tyler came out than when he was in my's a LONG story that i promise to share one day.
tyler, this was the start of our great adventure together.
what cha looking at? haha. we put jason's necklace on him. think tyler was 2 months here.
mother's day flowers, so tyler was 2 months here. i miss this baby stage!
3 months old. picture taken the day before tyler and i flew back to LA without jason (he had to stay back to take a test).  i remember crying while waiting for the plane because jason wasn't coming with us.
here is a pic of tyler at 1 1/2 months. in all my pictures with him at this stage, i look soooo tired! he was a fussy baby and needed to be held 24 hours for 2 months!
tyler, i can't believe you are almost 8!!!! i asked you tonight if you enjoyed your pancakes that i ate when you were in my tummy 8 years ago (on christmas day) and you said, "not really, they tasted moldy." haha... very funny.
i love how you say, "geez, you're so scary," when i yell at you, but you always say it smiling and you look so grown up.
i love your spastic dances you do (i'm sorry, bud, you got your daddy's dancing genes!)
i love how you still love to hug and kiss me, and i hope that never ends.
there is nothing i love more than being your mommy.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

hello hello. some random thoughts this morning.

1. man, i always have something to do. i know. it baffles me too. i'm a stay at home mom living in a place with very few friends,  but i'm always busy and have a 100 things on my to do list at all times. crazy. i really don't know how working moms do it- i mean, do everything around the house, get all the kids stuff organized and ready, get themselves all ready and not looking like a bum....there is so much to do! i'm not complaining here. i'm just saying that i thought my days of being a stay at home mom would consist of me watching korean dramas and stuffing my face with what i love best- chocolate. well, i do stuff my face with chocolate but i sure as heck don't have time to be watching dramas here! anyways, i'm just saying i'm baffled.

2. speaking of chocolate. i'm always scared to give chocolates as gifts. i've gotten enough chocolates in the past as gifts that had white film on them. i think it comes from storing chocolate wrong. either too much heat or too much cold. whatever it is, i'm always worried that i will give a box of chocolates to someone and they will open it and they will see that they are covered in grayish/ whitish spots and they will think i am regifting. anyways, i have some boxes of chocolates  that i was planning on giving to some teachers' aids at the boys' school but i'm thinking of just returning them because i just realized that i left them in the freezing garage for weeks. damn. or the other option is to open one of the boxes to see if the rest are ok, which means that i have to eat that box. hmmm.... what to do. what to do.

3. a funny conversation that i had with tyler. i was letting them watch something on my ipad while they were eating breakfast. this is not a regular occurance but i think there was something on the news i wanted them to see. anyways, tyler said, "i don't want to watch this. i want to watch small wonder on youtube." (remember "small wonder" with vicki, the robot? the boys like that show!) i immediately took the ipad away and i said, "you complain and i will take it away." he thought for a moment and said, "oh, mom. i don't like the air. i wish i were a fish and could swim in water all day." then, he looked at me with a smirk and said, "what do you know? you can't take away my air." hahaha, tyler, you so funny.

4. my fav show when the boys go to sleep? any of the real housewives show. so crazy. so trashy. so not "real." but so fun to watch! those ladies crack me up big time. so i guess i have some time to watch tv. i lied in random thought #1.:)

5. i'm not feeling to christmasy this year. some years, i'm all over it- like i eat, drink, breathe christmas and the sprit of the season seems to overtake me, but this year, i'm like, blah... haha. jason is so cute, he went out and bought some stuff for the front of the house and decorated with some trees and a snowman. i must admit, it is rather festive looking and i think the boys like it and all, but i'm like blah. haha...

6. speaking of xmas lights and why i didn't want jason to put them up. it's because i want him to do stuff INSIDE the house. crap! he has so much stuff he needs to do for me INSIDE the house... like put up 20 frames! i rather he spend his energy and time on that instead...on things that I will see, not our neighbors! haha...

7. we are seriously thinking of getting a dog. i have one that i want but he's a bit pricey right now and i'm waited for the breeder to lower the price. that sounds weird to say, but that is the case. and of course, there is a chance that someone else will buy him and he will be lost forever, but i'm willing to risk it i guess. i know that raising, training, and all responsibilities that come with this dog will all fall on my shoulders. let's get real. but, i'm ok with it. i ready for the challenge. the shutters are up, the pool is done, and momma needs herself another project!

8. omg, i am so sad. i could cry. the autofocus on my iphone doesn't work! wahhhhhhhhh!! i'm taking my phone in today and i am praying and hoping they just give me a new phone! if they don't, i think i will just cry in the store. i didn't purchase apple care or any other extended warranty or anything so if my appointment is with a scrooge, i am screwed. wish me luck.

9. sorry about the lack of pics on this site. to be completely honest, since i got the iphone, i've been taking pictures with that and i don't know how to upload those pics to this computer, and THAT will take some years to figure out. and i know you will think i am kidding,  but can you believe that i JUST figured out how to upload pictures from my camera, camera to this computer like a week before i got my phone (and i had that camera for YEARS!). i'm very slow with tech stuff. very, very slow.

10. in feb of 2013, this blog will have its 10th anniversary! wow.... i should give it a traditional 10th anniversary gift of tin and aluminum.. (just googled it.) it has seen me get married, get pregnant, give birth to tyler and chase, many moves, etc! it's actually fun to keep a blog so you can keep a somewhat loose record of your life. if this blog were to disappear tomorrow, i couldn't say that i wouldn't mourn it and all the time i spent writing in here. i don't really know who reads it (according to my site reader, only a handful of people..not more than 10!) but it's mainly for me and the boys. i think it might be cool for the boys to read later on. well, that's what i tell myself when i'm writing on here!

11. i am on instagram, so let's be "friends!" :) if you know my name, i'm easy to find. let's hook up over the web and technology!

12. when i tried to get my phone issue resolved yesterday, the lady told me that i should come back after i put all my stuff on icloud. i asked her, will that upload everything onto my computer? (don't laugh) she said, "no, it will all be stored in the clouds," while fanning her hands around her head to make a magical aura. huh? what? come again? que? i don't know these things. i don't know where it goes. i'm just always amazed by technology. you would think that i was some cave lady from millions of years ago (when did cave people roam the earth?) and i'm just learning about these things. just amazing! i was actually speechless after she did her little magical hand thing. at the thought of it and also mesmerized by the jazz hands.

13. i have email address complex. someone told me to get "with the times" when i told them my email! what is wrong with a yahoo email?!!! haha... i didn't know having a yahoo account meant that i wasn't up "with the times!" what does that even mean?! i didn't know that my email address was not "current." oh wells! keeping my yahoo account forever! it will come back in "style." you just got wait and see. haha.

14.boys have two weeks off!! yay!!! so, so happy! my favorite things ever. to just hang out with the boys. even though tyler called me a grouch yesteryday. i'm not a grouch!! mommies have to tell kids what to do, right? like, mommies are the ones who are like, hurry up, clean up your room, we are going to be late, do this, do that, finish your food, stop messing around, etc. and i guess he thinks that is someone who is "grouchy." oh tyler, mommy is not grouchy. that's all mommies, dear.

15. i was talking to mom of three boys and i said, our kids will only know what we do when they become parents, and she said, "no way! our BOYS will NEVER know what we do because they will grow up to be MEN and MEN will never do all the things we WOMAN do." omg. that thought slowly sunk in and i thought to myself, so true. so very true. wahh!!!

anyways, this was a long post of total randomness.

things here are good. very cold. in the 30s today. staying indoors to stay nice and toasty. :)

wishing you and your family a very merry christmas!!

Friday, December 14, 2012

i wanted to come on here and write something about what happened in connecticut today but i have no words. my heart weeps for the families.

Friday, December 07, 2012

Random thoughts late at night:

1. i usually write in here when the sun is out so this is a little weird.

2. i'm feeling a little guilty right now for being the world's worst mom. i won't get into why here. just know that the title is very fitting and i'm embarrassed. sometimes i wonder if i am deserving of these beautiful wonderful creatures in my life. tonight, the mixture of being mad at myself and loving them so much makes my heart hurt. i wrote a note to chase right now on a post it that read, "dear chase, i love you so much. i love you so much that it makes my heart tingle. you are my sweetheart. love, mommy." i posted it on the bathroom mirror so he could see it tomorrow morning. i love this 4-5 year old stage. chase is full of wonder and growing up so fast. but, at the same time, he is my baby, with his contagious laugh and fat cheeks that makes you want to bite them (which i do often). i love the way he chews his food, the way he strings his words when he talks, the way he negotiates with me when he wants my phone, the way he runs back into my arms when i pick him up after school, the way he walks into his kindergarten class with so much confidence, the way he still wants to come into our beds at nights, the way he writes and illustrates a new book every day after school and exclaims that he is going to write a book and publish it for everyone in his class, the way he writes his stories with amazing new characters and story lines that could only come from a child's imagination.

chase, you asked me today when i picked you up from school why i always scream when i see pick you up. and i told you while you ran into my arms, "because i'm so happy to see you. i've waited all day long to see you and i'm so happy right now."

chase, just like i wrote on my post it. you are my sweetheart.

just like i prayed to god tonight, while you held your hands together and listened, thank you for my chasey.

just like i am sure you want to make me and daddy proud. do you know parents feel exactly the same way? i want to make you proud too.

i love you. i love being on this journey called life with you. you have brought me immeasurable joy, and i love, love, love being your mommy.

Monday, December 03, 2012

random thoughts:

1. i got on here thinking i had some stuff of interest to write and then i totally got writer's block! i have nothing to write about at all!! :)

2. jason doesn't buy clothes AT ALL, and when i try to buy him stuff, he says, "that's not my style." and i'm like, "well, excuse you have a STYLE?! didn't know you had a "STYLE!" anyways, he DOES like to shop for a couple of things: socks, white t-shirts, and raincoats. i know. so freakin random, right?

3. jason looked at the wrong clock last night (one we didn't change for daylight savings) and left for work at 5:30 instead of 6:30. had to laugh at that one.

4. it's been raining here for days and the boys had "inside" recess last thursday and friday. the boys in tyler's class brought hex- bugs to play with and tyler has been waiting all weekend to take his hex bugs to school. of course, he wakes up this morning and it's as sunny as could be. he was so disappointed that he wouldn't have inside recess today and screamed, "why?!! why?!" he can be so dramatic at times. i just laughed at him.

5. you know what song is so cute? one direction's what makes you beautiful. i don't know too much about the lyrics, but the song is so upbeat! the boys like to sing it while i drive and i pretend they are singing it to their aging momma! i even flick my hair when they get to the part when they sing, "the way you flick your hair gets me overwhelmed." haha...

6. i am such a wannabe teeny bopper. another song i like? carly rae's call me maybe! it's so cheesy! well, i don't feel so bad because i just found out that carly's like 28 years old. i thought she was like 16 so she's obviously a wannabe teeny bopper too! another fun song to sing with the boys!

7. i don't want to get a big tree this year. we have this small 4 feet tree that we have for the boy's play area and i totally think this is enough and so do the boys (after i said to them, "if we don't get another big tree for downstairs, mommy has more money to buy you better and bigger presents! what do you say, boys? you don't need a big tree, do you? this one is perfect and so cute, right? now go tell daddy you don't want a big tree!") jason is like, "whhaaa???!!!" he loves christmas trees so he doesn't understand me. well, i hate trees. they shed (is that the word?) needles all over, you have to take all this time getting one, decorating one, and then take it all down in a couple of weeks?! i love my small artificial tree! clean up is so easy because there is barely anything on it! i say simplify your life, darlings!

8. i don't even want jason to put up christmas lights! he is like, "whhhaa??!!! whhhaaa is wrong with you, woman?!" i tell him. "i want you to rest over the weekend!" i don't want you to spend your time putting up light just to take them off in a couple of weeks! it's all about you, babe. don't overwork yourself. weekends are for resting." he just shakes his head and walks off. it was raining like crazy this weekend so there was no way he, or anyone else, was putting up lights this weekend but then if he puts up lights next weekend, it will seriously just be up for like 2 weeks. i say, forget it! i'm so blah humbug, i know!

9. on the topic of christmas, i will write a little about what i give the boys as their christmas presents. i ONLY give them things that they would have gotten in the first place if there was no such thing christmas. for example, i have wrapped a pair of jeans, socks, shoes, toothbrushes, etc. ...ALL things they would have gotten in the month of december anyways! more stuff? of course, books are a no brainer as gifts (yup, would have gotten those too!) this year, their biggest gift of all is LUGGAGE!!! i kid you not! i've been thinking of getting them their own luggage because now that they are older, maybe we could go on some "real" vacations and then i saw they were on sale at costco, bought those suckers, wrapped them up all ghetto (who cares? they will rip it off in a second!) and they are the biggest presents ever!) and for those of you who might think, "oh, how sad. the boys will hate them!" don't know my boys and you obviously don't know me! it's all in the way you SELL IT, baby! so i will be like, "look at this huge present! it must be something huge!" and after they open it, i will be spinning that thing around in our family room  screaming"wheee" in delight like it's the best invention ever! oh, i've also given them colored index cards, blank paper to draw on and make paper airplanes with, candy from halloween, a box of fortune cookies, etc. haha!! i know it sounds crazy, but honestly, they are HAPPY with their gifts. they MIGHT get ONE toy a year (and it's usually semi-educational..this year, an ant farm) for the both of them to share. sorry if i come across as a heartless woman with  no christmas spirit. they are lucky boys who have a lot in their lives already and  i do want them to experience opening presents and stuff (and they do get really good stuff from friends and family!), but i also want them to appreciate the things they already have and even appreciate whatever little things they get.

10. chase is so easy going and flexible and goes with the flow. tyler? he needs things the way he likes them and always asks tons of questions..."where are we going now? what time will we get there? are we going to eat there or eat at home? are you staying upstairs or downstairs? make sure you close my closet when you leave my room." he is always asking questions and always confirming things. tylie!

11. speaking of things that they always do, they are ALWAYS asking me for food. they seriously eat more than me and they are ALWAYS hungry!!! ALWAYS!!!! it's getting nerve-wracking because i don't really like being in the kitchen at all, and having to deal with food what seems like 24-7, i'm ripping out my hair over here. i guess it won't get better as they age and want even more food, and i guess i have to come to terms with the fact that they are two growing, hungry boys and change my damn negative attitude about cooking!!

ok, gotta go clean the house!! it's never ending, i tell ya! there is no way i could work and deal with all this household stuff. no way, i tell you. unless jason and the boys helped out more around the house, but that ain't happening so cinderella over here has to do everything.

if i don't write in here for awhile, happy belated thanksgiving, merry christmas, happy valentine's day! :) well, hopefully, i'll write again before valentine's!

have a good day, mates!