Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

So, I came out from of the bedroom after checking my email around 6:30 tonight and saw Jason feeding Tyler ice cream. At first, I didn't think anything of it until I noticed it was coffee ice cream! Now, who in their right mind would give a toddler coffee ice cream at 6:30 at night, or any time of day for that matter?! I knew, if Tyler inherited my crazy sensitivity to caffeine, I would be up until 3:00 in the morning. Well, thank God he fell asleep at around 10:00, about two hours past his usual bed time. Of course, the whole time, Jason was snoring in the room while I was the one trying to coax Tyler to sleep! Men!

So, after Tyler fell asleep, I watched Oprah's special on the opening of her Leadership Academy and of course, there is nothing like Oprah to bring me to tears. How does she do that every time! So tears poured as I heard story after story of girls in African living without their parents, or mothers, or fathers. I know some people criticized Oprah for building a school in Africa instead of in the US, and I also heard criticism for it being an all girl school. Why do people always have to knock people down? I mean, it is HER dream. She could do whatever the hell she wants to do. If you feel like criticizing, go build your own damn school somewhere!

So, I thought for about a good minute- yes, one whole minute- after the doctor told me that I had to be on bedrest that I would be on vacation of some sorts. Oh God, how wrong I was! This is not a vacation, this is more like torture! Like Maya Angelou, I feel like a cage bird. I can't go anywhere, I can't even watch TV (Tyler's obession with Thomas the Train is out of control at the moment.). All I do when I am not resting "horizontally" is I'm on the computer checking every website known to man. I'm like a crazy stalker or something and, like a person with a horrible addiction, I get a momentarily high when someone updates their site. If you are reading this and have some sort of xanga, blog, even a friendster page, I've seen it. Twice. Maybe more. Yes, I see all the "L" fingers moving up to your foreheads. Hey, when you're stuck at home and can't watch tv, what else is there to do? Read?!

Good night!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Ok, so I was a bit hormonal during my last post. But dude, whoever utters the words "fat" and "too big" to a pregnant woman is an idiot. I mean, come on now, we're already feeling a bit alienish for having a growing being inside us!

So I had another doctor's appointment today and...she put me on two weeks bedrest!! I guess it's true to be careful what you wish for because I remember saying just the other week, "I wish I could just quit!" Well, I sort of, kind of got my wish! Two weeks is a long time for a teacher to be gone. I already feel guilty, like a loserish bad teacher, but like my doctor said to me today, "Oh, you feel guilty, huh? Think of the guilt you will feel if something happens to your baby and you didn't take any preventive measures. Priorities, Cristina!" She is right.

So I've also been feeling a little guilty/bad about something for about a month. For the last month, I haven't taken a SINGLE picture of Tyler!! Can you believe that?! That has to go in the worst mommy of all the time hall of fame. Well, I can't find the charger for my camera! I've looked and looked and the little rascal must have hidden it somewhere! Every time we go someplace or Tyler does something cute (which is always, of course!), I feel this tinge of guilt, like I should be recording every breathing moment. Well, maybe it's time for me to just go buy one right? Do they sell chargers for specific cameras at Best Buy? I don't even know!

So, Tyler is growing bigger and bigger by the day. He is amazing, actually! Tonight, our neighbor boy came over so Jason could take a look at his ears and Tyler got out his toy medical case and kept saying "doctor, doctor" over and over again. Where he learns these things I will never know!

Another thing he does that just melts my heart is he prays or he wants us to pray together. He will come up to me with his hands together and say "amen." I will tell him to put his head down and close his eyes and he will tell me who to pray for. He says "appa" first. Then "harmoni. harabuji." Then "emo (which sounds like elmo) and baby kat (kate)." Always in the order. Funny kid.

I miss Claudia so much, especially when I have something to tell someone and of course, the first person I think of is Claudia. (I KNOW Claudia is crying reading this because she has turned into the biggest sap as she gets older!) Family dinners are just not the same without the Wanger Bangers. I wonder when they'll be back.

Well, long enough post for one day. Can I handle two weeks laying down?! I think I could totally manage if I didn't have to worry about Tyler all day. Even with my mother in law here helping me with Tyler, I don't know if I will be on complete bedrest. I mean, if Tyler wants me and he knows I'm in the house, I would never NOT hold him or HIDE from him!! Can you imagine! We'll see how the next two weeks unfold. Maybe I'll end up getting more rest at school!

Happy Friday!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Yeah, I finally got my blogger back! I've tried to get on for the last few weeks but for some reason, the site wouldn't take my password. Tonight, miraculously, it works!

So, tonight I was in a pissy mood. Let me tell you why. I had dinner with some people and some of the ladies at dinner were telling me I am way too big for 13 weeks. One person asked me if I was ok and if I have seen the doctor for any "problems." I told her that I saw a doctor last week and that everything was normal. Pretty much, these women were telling me I was too big. I think one person even used the word "fat."One person said,"oh, I didn't show until I was five months." I was so stunned by this conversation and it was in front of other people so I didn't quite know how to respond.

But if I could respond to them now, this is what I would say:
I'm sorry you both only had one child each and don't know how your body could be different if you had another. I, too, didn't show with Tyler until I was 6 months pregnant. I am sorry that I had major surgery following the birth of Tyler, much of which I can't remember. I did wake up to feel doctors pushing down on abdomen where I had just been cut for a c-section It felt like they were punching me over and over again. I know this because I had to stay in ICU for two days where the doctors pumped the maximum amount of drugs they could in me, but I still couldn't cry or talk for a week because it hurt too much to do so. After that, I was on oxycontin for two months. I wouldn't even wish what I went through on ANYONE. I'm sorry that because of everything that I went through, my stomach does not and will not ever look like yours and all you could talk about is how my tummy looks "not normal" to you.

I wish you would THINK before you open your fat mouth.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

It's been a long time. I took the day off today to...breathe. I ususally feel really guilty about taking days off, but I feel I totally deserved this one. If for nothing else, I'll think of it as a birthday present to myself.

So, I've hit the 12 week mark. A big deal when I was pregnant with Tyler. This one is going by too fast and I don't think it's really hit me yet. Or maybe, I'm trying not too enjoy it too much for fear something might go wrong.

Anyways, thanks Rich for giving me a place to hide out during my day of deception. Say hi to Carol too.

Thanks for all who called and emailed for my birthday. 29th year. Kind of crazy, but I'm totatally looking forward to this year. Or at least, the second half of it- when Tyler will be the older sibling and I will be a full time mommy of two.