Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Friday, April 30, 2004

Sunshine. Sunshine. This is the name of a girl who was in my class last year. A girl that came to me with some major problems, a girl who had been through and had seen more in her short seven years of life than you and I combined. She would steal things from other students, throw things in class, have tantrums, and weep and hold her ears when we had fire drills. We had meetings after meetings. What can we do to help her? Her parents, who adopted her after seeing her on the news, seemed helpless and tired. Then when we came back to school this September, I didn't see Sunshine. I heard that she might have been sent to a "special school." And that was that. Then last night, during Open House, this precious child walked through the door into my classroom and I nearly lost it in front of all the parents and children in my room. I coudn't help it; I was so happy to see her again. I couldn't hold my tears nor did I even try. I just wanted to hug her and talk to her and ask her how she was doing. I couldn't believe how much I had missed her. You know how people say things like, "If I could just see her one more time." I felt so lucky to be able to at least see her one last time. She was kind of shy, quiet, and her parents seemed to be in a hurry. It's so wierd. I can't believe how much I fall in love with my kids.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

My kids told me that yesterday was free ice cream day at Baskin Robbins and it reminded me of college and how Jen and I waited in a long ass line TWICE in one day for free ice cream. I really don't think I would ever go to one of those free ice cream days now. Wait in a long ol' line, for what? Ice cream? It is so not worth it. Plus, who needs the extra calories anyways?

I am sorry to keep ranting about weight, excercise, my fat self, calories, etc, but as you know, my wedding is forthcoming and it's on my mind. And it's my blog. I can cry if I want to.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Last night, visited our photographer, Blue 22, to discuss the where, when, what, who, why, how of our engagement pictures. I gotta say, there is nothing quite like seeing pictures of size 0 Korean brides to make one anorexic.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Jason and I learned on Iron Chef America that Kobe beef is extra tender because the cows are given alcohol to drink and massaged daily. While Jason thinks this is inhumane, I rather think this is nice. Shit, if I was going to be killed, please bring on the cosmos and get me a shiatsu massage!

Is it hot today or is it hot today? There is something about heat that makes me feel extra, extra bloated. Which, I guess is a good thing as the feeling of extra bloatedness motivates me to work out and eat less. The air conditioner was broken in school today and the kids looked at me all day with glazed over, drugged out looks. Well, that's everyday (!), but today, it was worse. Jason went off to a fancy shamacy dinner (Paid by drug reps. Dude, I don't agree with that. But that's another topic for another day.) and has left me here with a miniscule apple. I have stuff to do, but Walmart calls to me. Strangely, there are stores that call me when I've been away for too long: Costco, Walmart, Target, Trader Joes at the moment. I gots to get out of here. Someone is cooking some delicious smelling shit (an oxymoron or what?!) and I'm starting to get hungry! I know that I'm all over the place today, but the last sentence made me think. If taste is connected to our sense of smell- which it is- then couldn't some company make something to put up our noses so we couldn't smell anything, thus ruining our meal enough so we wouldn't want to eat? Truely, I am all over the place, but I just came up with my own solution: stuff that nostril with some good ol' tissue paper. They don't call me a genius for nothing.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

I am so confused. I'm planning my life for Oregon and things are just not falling into place. During our one year stay, I would really like to pursue getting my Masters in Education. At least, take classes so I can go to the top of the pay scale. (See, teachers get paid more with "salary points" and you get salary points by taking classes. Might as well get paid more for the same amount of work, right?) However, I've been researching some schools and getting an education is really damn expensive! I never realized it before. When I went to Berkeley, I didn't even think about money. It was expected that I go to college, and my parents took care of all the financial aid forms. Even if my parents did tell me how much tuition was, I didn't have anything to compare it with nor have any work experience to realize how many hours of labor went into paying for one's college. I was content in my ignorance.

Now that I am working and making my own money and will have to pay for any future education on my own, it completely changes my perspective on things. Oh, and don't get me started on out of state tuition, which I will be paying since I am not an Oregon "resident." It would make a lot more sense (and $15, 000 difference) if I came back after a year and I took classes here, but I have a premonition that I won't be as motivated then as I am now and I don't want to "waste" a year in Oregon.

Let's hope all these questions will clear itself in the next month or so. Please cross all fingers for me.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

I decided to get my laptop fixed and keep it instead of buying a new one. Who was I kidding? I don't need the latest gizmo with trillions of megabytes. I am happy just using Word on my computer! This one will suit me fine for at least a couple more years. I won't let the Apple man words: "Wow, this is an older model. You should just get a new one." get to me. Who cares that my ibook is light yellow instead of the crisp white it is suppose to be, right?

Jason is in Oregon looking at apartments right now. I should have gone with him, but it was a last minute decision and it meant that I would have to take off from work on Friday and the guilt would not have been good for me. I told him that I trust his judgement and he told me we would live in a "hut." Well, I hope he is just looking around this weekend and we'll go together in June to finalize everything.

This coming week will be particularly hard for me. I am getting evaluated at school on my ability to teach. Meaning, the assistant principal will come observe me teach on Wednesday. I know that I am a capable teacher, but it stresses me out to have those critical eyes on me. Then, I have Open House on Thursday so I will be scrambling to clean up my room and put up recent student work. (Work from October just won't cut it!) I will be the happiest person when it is 1:30 on Friday.

Actually, I will be the happiest person alive on the last day of school. June 18th. I'm counting down.

Friday, April 23, 2004

Yesterday, I was so set to get some real work done at my desk and tackle some stuff on my to-do list (I have to write a cover letter, redo my resume, and other school stuff). I was so ready. You know when all the conditions are just right to get some work done- the temperature, your physical state, your mood. (I even had coffee! There is nothing like a cup of coffee to make me feel as though I am a responsible adult who can get my shit done!) Trust me, this doesn't happen often for me so I need to get as much done as possible when I am fully motivated!

Well, then, I realized that my laptop was out of battery and I couldn't get my power cable into the DC port. I must have either #1 yanked it out too quickly or #2 stepped on it with my fat self. Damn. So I took it to the Apple store at the Grove and they told me that I have to take it somewhere else. Damn. So, I drove all the way to Bundy and Wilshire in crazy traffic to the recommended store. Well, they said it'll cost me $300 to get it fixed. Damn. This piece of junk? It's so old now. I said I would have to think about it and drove an hour back to Jason's. Should I get rid of it? Sell it? Fix it? Get a new one? Too much for my little ol' head to think about.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

I love funniest home videos and other shows where they show montages of live clips- for example, things that could go wrong in a news show. It is just so darn funny to see everyday mishaps of ordinary people. One thing that always gets to me though is how the person holding the camera reacts to the situation. On FHV, they often show clips of people getting hurt (and I mean hurt ),and it amazes me to hear laughter from the person holding the camera! If I was there, I don't think that I would continue to hold the camera and flim someone who is in pain. I would scream and spaz out, of course! I don't know, but... I wouldn't laugh!

God knows that more than a few brides with an impending wedding, with visions of having all eyes on her on her glorious day and with full knowledge that her wedding pictures will last for all posterity, haved worked out, eaten less, and tried at least to shed a few pounds.

With that said- What's wrong with me?

Monday, April 19, 2004

In class today, after one student commented that some women was "fat," I felt compelled to talk to them about being sensitive and also that it didn't matter what someone looked like on the outside, but rather what was important was what was on the inside. Well, after the slight lecture, another student yelled out, "She could just go on The Swan! Then she will become beautiful." Other students followed with yeahs. What is the world coming to?

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Yesterday, I went to a wedding with Susan. It was a large Korean wedding and half the guests left as soon as they were done eating, leaving the reception hall looking bare and sad. Oh, and the nerve...these same guests took centerpieces with them and the reception had not even ended! If you think about doing this at my wedding, you better watch your back and expect my four inch weapons, um, I mean heels, up your a**!

Then, I went to Jenny's tame bridal shower/ very scandelous bachelorette party. As always, it was great seeing old faces again. As I looked at the veil on Jenny's head, Sarah's growing belly, and my own engagement ring, I couldn't help but think about how so much has changed in just the last six months. Things will be different, but very exciting indeed. Happy to go through these changes with my old pals from SA&A.

Friday, April 16, 2004

Dear Cher,

I am so incredibly tired right now. My class was driving me absolutely crazy all day. You saw how they were acting! I love being a teacher, but it must be one of the most tiring jobs in the world. Have a great weekend!


Wednesday, April 14, 2004

I can't stand it any longer. I'm headed to the gym right now. Maybe Jason is right- maybe this is just an excuse. If I really wanted to do work out, I could and would. I guess I could bike or do the elliptical machine. I don't think either requires much feet movement. But then again, I could totally be wrong and be in excruciating pain tomorrow. Who knows? But, I'm willing to risk it. Off I go...

Monday, April 12, 2004

Flipping through channels with Jason last night, and we flipped to the Korean channel and they were playing one of those old school dramas. You know the one where people call their moms "mama mama" and men have wierd ass skinny hair buns on top of their heads. Well, we stopped and watched it for a couple of minutes and I said to Jason, trying to be cute, "I sometimes wonder what it would be like if we lived back then. I bet you would be the sexy village doctor. (a pause) What would I be?" To which he replied, "The village idiot." I was thinking more along the lines of, "The sexy village teacher!!" haha. I guess you had to be there, but it was really funny.

Friday, April 09, 2004

I just got a damn traffic ticket. Piss me off. I was driving in K-town and made a right turn onto a small street and a cop pulls me over. I was like, "Officer, I stopped at the stop sign." He said, "I saw that, but there is no turning right onto this street from 2-4 and unfortunately, I am going to have to give you a ticket." Apparently, there is a school near by and the principal fought to have this sign up to safeguard kids from being hurt in vehicular accidents afterschool. I got out of my car, and I tried really hard to get out of it; I told him that I too, fight everyday so my students will be safe and become productive citizens since I am (with emphasis) a teacher in a Los Angeles Unified School District. I asked him if he could let me go. Just this once. Please, please officer. I am planning a wedding....ooh, so costly. I am having a terrible day. He didn't budge. So then, of couse, I cried and mustered all the tears that I could. I told him that I have never, ever, in all my driving seen a no turning right onto a small street. He told me I should be more "cognizant" of my surroundings and look for all signs. Damn him. After awhile, as he neared the end of writing up the ticket, he said he was sorry and that he felt really bad for giving me this ticket. I don't know if he really meant it. Whatever. It didn't make me feel one bit better.

My last official day of Spring Break. I feel ssssoooooo horrible because of my foot. I wake up every morning and I can barely walk straight. After a little bit of ice, its feels better but deep in my heart, I know that its not completely healed and that kills me. I haven't been to the gym in weeks and I feel sooooo gross. I told Jason that I think I should completely stay off my foot and walk around in cast and crutches until the pain is totally gone. I begged him to look for some proper foot apparatus at the hospital for me. But he only laughed and called me a drama queen. Doesn't he see the dire situtation that I am in!! This is nothing to joke and poke fun off. Our wedding is in a little over a month and I feel disgusting. No bride should roll down the aisle feeling like a portly hog!

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Yesterday, I got my sandwich, and it was damn good. I owe Susan C. bunches for saving me.

This morning I got my teeth cleaned by a "professional." What feels better than after getting your teeth cleaned? Not much.

Off to Famer's Market with Sanghi to pick up some lunch. Thought it would be a sunny day. Rats.

Is it already Thursday? Damn, where did my Spring Break go? Oh well. At least it is APPRENTICE night! (Sing with me now..."Money, money money... money!")

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Sometimes, I think I am a bit much. Let me explain. In my previous post, I said that I was craving a chicken pesto sandwich. Well, I tried it a couple of weeks ago when Susan C. bought it for me from the USC Campus. So, I emailed Susan and told her that I was craving the sandwich like mad, and she, being the kind, wonderful, amazing person that she is and thinking that I am at school, calls me and tells me she'll bring one over right then. (What a sweetie!) I told her I'm not at school, thanked her for her generousity and we hung up. Then, I started thinking that I would just drive over to USC from Jason's place (where I am right now) and pick it up from her. All this..for food!! I just get these cravings for certain things and they don't go away until that craving is quenched. I can't imagine what I will be like as a pregnant women. It won't be fun. Not for Jason, anyways.

I've been working on invitations all morning. Calling people. Asking for addresses. And asking, "What was your boyfriend's last name again?" Of course, each call leads itself to more conversation about this and that. Well, nearly done with my list. Now if only Jason would give me all his addresses, which I know will take forever.

I'm very bored at home right now. Which is stupid because I can do whatever I want to do right now- I don't have work. Don't have anything that I have to do this very minute. But, I'm too lazy to even get out of the house and enjoy my Spring Break! I'm also starving and craving this chicken pesto sandwich (or anything else semi-healthy) but I'm too lazy to make/find myself food. Goodness.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

It feels so great not to have to go to work. Aren't vacations just so swwweeeet?! It's so great having time off to do things that I've been meaning to do. Today, I got on and ordered like five Korean cookbooks. I've been meaning to do that for some time now. I really want to try to cook for Jason; at least, try to eat at home more than we go out or pick something up! Up to this point, I've made plenty of excuses not to cook. "Well, hon, you don't have anything here to make anything- no cookware, bakeware, no ingredients! How on earth am I suppose to make anything?" I know that this will all have to change in a matter of months so I'm preparing myself. I don't want my husband to starve now!

Monday, April 05, 2004

I'm baaaccckk!! (You have to say it all creepy. You know, like in the movies....I'm baaaaccckk.) Anyways, so I am back and it's very bittersweet; it's great to be at home and have all the comforts of being in my own room and stuff, but at the same time, I know that I have to dive right into "wedding mode" and it's been so great not having to think about anything wedding this past week.

Well, from Tuesday to Friday I was at Yosemite for some teacher development. It was suppose to be some hands on science opportunity, but it became a vacation to most participants right away. It was cool. We got to stay in some fairly nice cabins, eat great meals, and tour Yosemite at our leisure with new friends. All paid for. Nice. The best day was on Thursday. We had to choose a hike to go on. They gave us three choices- Mirror Lake, Vernal Falls, or Yosemite Falls. Respectively- Easy, moderate, and very strenuous. I teetered on Vernal and Yosemite Falls. And, of course, I am a sucker for pain so I choose to hike the Yosemite Falls. Me and three other guys. Forget the fact that all of them were seasoned hikers and brought up with them all their gear, like backpacks and hiking shoes, and all I had were my Old Navy bag and my old worn out sneakers. I still had my foot pain. I haven't worked out in days. I wasn't mentally ready. But, I also knew this would be my only chance to hike it so I went. Me and my three new friends. Damn, going up was so hard. I thought I was going to pass out. I KNOW that if another girl went with us, we both would have turned around, but I was the only girl and I didn't want to give up in front of these guys. As we got closer to the top, it started raining, the rocks were wet, and it was near freezing temperatures. But, what could I do now? Turn around? So we finally made it to the top and, I have to say, it was pretty damn amazing. We were at the top of the falls! We could see all of Yosemite! We took pictures and quickly ate our lunches surrounded by peaks of other snowny mountains. The trek down was much easier, though I did fall on my ass once. When we got to the bottom, I thanked God for bringing me back in one piece. My five hour hike was over and I felt great!

Then on Friday, I drove down to San Diego to visit Jason. He was at a conference down there so I went to keep him company. I watched Under the Tuscan Sun, went shopping, and read books while he was away, and then had muy delicioso dinners when he came back. This was my second mini vacation.

So, I got back last night. I am on Spring Break now. I have so many things I have to do! My goal is to send out all invitations by the end of this week. Wish me luck!

Have a great week! :)