Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Allen was in LA for the weekend so we had dinner at Yamashiros last night. The night sky was so clear, the city lights below twinkled like millions of Christmas lights. It was absolutely beautiful. Then we went to Universal City Walk, and, well, walked.

Allen and I met in Korean class my junior year at Berkeley. I call him a “bad influence” because he was the first person to take me to KoKo (Berkeley’s poor excuse of a Korean bar), he was the first person I ever drank with (so, so naughty!), etc, etc. Well, it was great seeing him again.

I have been extra tired lately and I just can’t understand why. I think I get enough sleep. Allen told me the reason might be getting too much sleep. Could that be it? For the past three weeks, I have been drinking coffee and caffeinated sodas just to keep my head up and my eyes open! I have to do something about this. Should I go see someone? Maybe something is wrong with me. (yeah, yeah, be quiet.)

Jen is back! Jen was away on a rendezvous with Vinh for her Spring Break. It is nice to have her back. Just knowing that someone is in the other room is comforting. This morning, I talked my mouth away telling her the latest updates. It’s amazing how all my thoughts come out first thing in the morning as if it laid dormant and repressed all night just dying to get out.

Did I tell you that I absolutely love being single again? I feel so free!!…freeeee!! As of now, I am enjoying my freedom so much that I am actually scared that it will be difficult for me to go back. There are so many things that I want/ need to do before I get into another serious relationship. I will list these things for you at another date. Something to look forward too!

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Man, it is windy today. I hear cans tumbling along the back alleyway, a wind chime freaking out, and other spooky, haunting noises. On top of that, my whole apartment shakes every time there is a strong gust of wind… cheap ass apartment.

These are the moments when it sure would be comforting to have a nice manly man around. :)

Susan got into UCLA grad school- congrats, girlfriend! You are the diggity bomb!
Also, I give a shout out and love to Annie- mad props for getting into Tufts, Columbia, and USC grad school!
You girls are super freaky fly.

I’ll just come out and say it: I am not a good blogger. I am too shy about my life, which is mundane in the mind of others and too personal in my mind.

Will I regret what I write here? Who will end up reading it? Who will I inadvertently hurt?

I am way too paranoid and anxious of a person to ever hold any high honors in the blog hall of fame. I send my regrets in advance.

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Never again.

I feel SO bad right now, worse than I have felt in a long time. I decided to take a day off from school today to get some “stuff” done at home. It was the first time that I called in “sick” for no apparent reason. Other times, I was really sick or had a true purpose. Today was a complete waste of time, and I didn’t get anything done that I couldn’t have done after school or on the weekend. On top of that, I found out that a sub did not show up so, at this moment, I don’t know what happened to my class. Seriously, the guilt is eating me up.

Note to self: Cristina, you have a job. You have responsibilities at your job and your students expect you there. This is unacceptable.

Monday, March 17, 2003

Everyone needs to read this to understand what I have been going through the past year.

In a world filled with people...

I’ve been talking to a lot of people from my past lately. It’s great talking to old friends and realizing why you became friends in the first place. Johanna, for example, I met at Yonsei University when I spent a summer in Korea. We instantly became friends and hit it off. She was so sweet, funny, and nice. We talked about everything: school, boys, and life. I remember the last day, when I was departing from Korea, she surprised me at the airport to give me a bag of goodies (cookies, candies, etc.) to take on the plane. I was, and still am, touched by this gesture.

Then, I talked to Kristen. I know her from Whitney. In high school, students hung out and befriended other students in their same graduating class, and Kristen was a year younger than me. That being said, I am not sure how we met or how we became close. However, I know that I have always considered her very special. She is beautiful, strong, happy, and funny. Somehow, after graduation, we lost touch, and I think I’ve only talked to her once or twice on the phone. But, it’s interesting how friends just “pick up” where they’ve left off. I talked to Kristen tonight, and though our situations are completely different than they were in high school, all those years seem to melt away and we were sixteen and seventeen again.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

“Oh my god!!”

I say these words a lot. I used to say it so much in high school that people asked me if I was from the valley. And I would reply, “Like, oh my god, I live in Cerritos!” When my grandmother visited us from Korea, Claudia and I said it around her so much that it was the first phrase she picked up on. She would mock us, and say “Oh my ghah. Oh my ghah.” Funny shit, if you heard it.

The thing is, when my ex and I were together, he asked me not to say it, or “oh my gosh." I tried really hard in the beginning not to. I had to consciously think about it, and I racked my brain trying to think of substitutes. Really, when you think about it, there ain’t much out there: “Wow….”, “Lord…” was about the best I could do. For a time, I would say “Lord-dee!” but I felt lame, like it wasn’t me. (God, did I get teased by Weikuo and Jen for saying that one.) I tried to fight it as best I could. As time passed, I started to feel resentment towards him. I know this is not the only reason why we broke up, but I think it says a lot about why we did end up breaking up. If I can’t say what the hell I want to say, and I have to work so DAMN hard to hide a part of myself when I am around him, then was this relationship to last? I don’t think so.

You probably think this is lame. I mean, it is only a phrase! And some might say, an unnecessary phrase at that. If I read this on another blog, and I hadn’t personally gone through it, I would laugh, and tell the lame ass girl to get over it.

Now that I am single, when I do say it I actually feel guilty. I guess that feeling will wear off with time. It better.

Tuesday, March 11, 2003


Thumper just chewed up one of my shoes. Argh....

Closed Door

I do not let Thumper come into my room when my room is a mess. I guess I am afraid that she will chew on my make-up, sit on and wrinkle my clothes, etc. I was just thinking that it is rather sad that my cleanliness (or lack of) determines how much time I spend with my adorable dog. If she could understand what I was saying, I would tell her, "It's not you. It's me." I am feeling rather guilty now. Maybe I will go pick everything off the floor. Or, call my sister to do it.

Sing with me now!…No one reads my blogs. No one reads my blogs, hi ho the mary-o, no one reads my blogs.

Well, it’s true! I cleverly tested my lying sister the other day by telling her something that was already written on my blog. She did not stop me. She did not casually tell me that I was wasting my breath and that she had already read it on my blog. Nooooo….she let me go right on ahead! ….“She gets a F!” the teacher said.

At least Richard is honest! I asked him straight out this Sunday, and his exact words were, and I hope I don’t mess this up….“hell no!” Hmmm….thanks for the brutal honesty, Rich!

I went to the gym today for the first time since the marathon. All I am going to say is: My body was not amused.

Sunday, March 09, 2003

Hey, check out my marathon photos! Go to, select LA Marathon. My last name is Park, my bib number is 19616, and have a great big laugh on me!

I have to give myself a big kick in the ass and get some stuff done. I have this long list of things that I have to do, but I keep putting everything off. It’s really getting to me now.

Today, Richard and I went to Westside Oikos to check it out. We both liked it. We will probably try to make that our home church. It is fairly close and service starts at 1:30, which is nice.

Saturday, March 08, 2003

A friend of Jen’s friend wanted to know if she could “borrow” Thumper for about four days. Now, I find this rather odd. I know that I am far from being a perfect dog owner, but that doesn’t mean that I want to give away Thumper to anyone who would like to take her for a few days. Now, I am sure that this friend will treat Thumper very nicely, and Thumper night even have more fun in those four days with her than if she stayed here. However, I just can’t say yes. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being selfish for not sharing?


I just had one of the lamest nights of my whole entire life. About a month before the marathon, I heard some buzz about a post marathon party. I seriously envisioned people dancing the night away with others who could truly understand what each other had gone through. I even talked Jen into going. (“Jen, it will be soooo much fun!”) Man, was I EVER wrong. We arrived at the Wilshire Grand fashionably late (because I had to wear the perfect outfit for my perfect night,of course!). First, we had dinner- a deeeeicious chicken with some scrumptious vegetables (note the sarcasm). Then there was a lameass 20 minute 3D slideshow. Yes, you read correctly- 3D. Now, that may even *sound* cool, but let me tell you that it was barely visible and the sound was horrible, and I had a migraine by the end of it. Now, the music started, and I thought, “Good, at least I’ll be able to dance!” Then came the oldies….and I mean, OLDies…back to back, to back to back. God, I didn’t even know who these artists were. Couldn’t they have at least kept the music starting from the 1960’s? We befriended another frustrated women who said that she was waiting for her grandma to come out from under the table. We got a good laugh at that one. Well, needless to say, Jen and I left early. lame.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003


There is one thing that surprised me about the marathon. One thing that I did not expect at all, and one that will leave a lasting memory in my mind. This may sound a little odd and silly to some, but that memory is of the silver mylar blankets that is handed out to all runners at the finish line. These blankets are meant to keep bodies from becoming too cold after the amount of heat that the body is producing comes to an instant stop.

First of all, these glistening blankets were the first things that I saw from a distance-a clear sign that the end was near. Upon finishing, in my disoriented state, all my eyes could see is reflections coming off of them, making everything look more surreal, like a dream. More than the medal that hung around my neck, it seemed that this thin blanket draped around my back showed that I had finished what I started hours earlier.

When I got back to the Hyatt Regency, the site of SRLA’s check- in and check- out headquarters, I sat back and waited for my middle school runners to return. As I waited anxiously, I saw groups of students walk in together, forming a straight line as if they were going to war, with their blankets tied around their necks like capes. They seriously looked like superhero athletes from outer space.

Lastly, as the students got tired, they found refuge in any small space in the hotel’s waiting area and fell asleep. There were hundreds of students neatly lined up on the floor sleeping with their new silver blankets. To me, this was one of the most precious sights of the day. After a grueling day, they slept.

Last night, Jen and I entered another realm of luxury by going to Burke and Williams for a post- marathon massage. Our appointment was at 8:00, but we got there a little earlier to enjoy all its amenities in the spa area. First, we got to soak in a bubble bath adjacent to one another. I felt like we were rich women spending time away from our husbands and children. (huh?) Then, we got our massages and spent some more time in the spa area. We left around 10:00 feeling refreshed, revived, and recleaned. For this kind of treatment, I might reconsider running the marathon again one day!

Finally, my mind has cleared and I can write about my marathon experience. The first eighteen miles were nice. Jen and I were able to spot the LA RoadRunners Pace Group 5 and join them. We were running at a 9:00 a mile pace and I was feeling good! The streets were lined with spectators cheering us on, and we had so much company on the course with other runners by our side. Who wouldn’t feel the adrenaline pumping?

Then, at mile 18, my legs started getting tired. I was slowing down a bit, but not by much. At this point, I recall telling Jen that I would never do this again. Another runner heard this comment and snickered. He told us that he had said those exact words last year and now he was back and saying them again!

I kept telling myself that I should run all the way to mile 20, where I would see Richard and Annie, and then take a short stretching break. When I got to mile 20 and I saw Annie, I was on the verge of tears, but I tried to compose myself quickly. Come on now…I had 6 more miles to go! Everything was such a blur and I ended up missing Richard at the water stop, which I believe was for the best because I definitely would have been a mess!

Then, we were back on the road with Annie by our side. I can’t say the next three miles were easy, but they were not as difficult as mile 18-20. THEN we hit mile 23. I felt like I was going to pass out. I was running through Korean town, and I had thought earlier that running through the streets where I grew up would give me some motivation, but unfortunately it didn’t. I guess your mind just doesn’t think like that when you are in that much pain. Three more miles left.

At about this point we ran into Jimmy, Jen’s friend (excuse the pun). At mile 23, he still had so much energy left in him, and I am sure to could have easily sped away ahead of us, but he stayed next to us until the finish line, talking to us and telling us to keep going. Then it became 2 more miles… 1 more mile…100 yards…50 yards…25 yards.

When I was about 20 yards away from the finish line, I heard Claudia yell, “Go Cristina!” I was so shocked that I turned around and saw my mom and sister! Now, THAT was exciting.

Then, I crossed the finish line and my race was over. Officially, my time was 4:20:18. Unofficially, I was in a great amount of pain.

Sunday, March 02, 2003

Finished the LA marathon today! :) I don't know the exact time, but I think it was a little under 4:20. I will write more about this when I have more energy and can put coherent thoughts in a sentence!

Saturday, March 01, 2003

Anxiety Attacks

Last night I had a dream that Jen and I arrived at the marathon two hours late. A volunteer tried to egg us on to “catch up,” but we were too disappointed and left. In another dream, I dreamt that I left my students’ costumes for a very important performance at home so they went onstage with fabric wrapped around their small bodies making them look like mummies.

Man, I need to carmel machiatto.