Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

a couple of weeks ago, i wrote that jason and i had to make a difficult decision that will affect tyler. well, it was the decision to agree to tyler's movement into first grade after this winter break. we discussed. we thought it over and thought over some more. we heard every opinion our family members had- some for and some against. at the end, we had to go with our gut. so, our little baby will be going to full day school starting in january. i was ok with it. it was the decision we made and i know tyler will be fine. i was pretty calm and cool about the whole thing. that is, until now. i was just looking through some paperwork that the school gave to me and when i got to the monthly lunch menu, i started to visualize tyler in line to get lunch on his own and it brought me to tears. will he be confused and scared? will be have a friend who will be nice enough to show him "the ropes?" what if he doesn't? is he mature enough to understand and deal with the fears that he will undoubtedly feel in his new environment?

tyler, daddy and i know that you can do it...and do it with flying colors! we will always be proud of you.

Friday, December 24, 2010

congrats to jennifer on the wonderful news. so happy for you and brian. can't wait to celebrate with you.... love you.

hey everyone, it is almost 5:30 in the morning. jumped out of bed about thirty minutes ago in a panic realizing that it is the 24th! we are hosting christmas eve dinner at my place today and i don't even have a menu planned out!!! it's been a hectic crazy last few weeks (with cousin and dad in town) and i have seriously been taking things one day at a time. today, claudia asked me about our plans for christmas day and i told her to ask me that on the 25th because i don't have to energy or the brain capacity to even think about that right i said, one day at a time!

so today, since "school" is closed, we will be visiting another santa in the morning. jason is like, "how many santa's do they need to visit? they just need to see one!" but this is my favorite santa of all. i told jason that this santa looks so perfect and cute and jolly and has this christmas sparkle in his eyes...and he was like, "don't they all look the same?" NO!  it's hard to explain but i think i have me a santa crush and i need to visit him every year! i will be so sad if my santa is not there. what if i make all this effort to visit him and he is not there?! i'll wait around a little bit to see if his comes back from his potty or smoke break (haha) but if he doesn't come back, i will go home crushed...for not having seen my santa and also because of the time wasted.

after that, i will brace myself and the boys to visit costco for, can you say, total last minute christmas eve dinner shopping? i usually love costco, but i know with the crowds and with the boys, i will be frowning and giving people un-christmas-like stares. if you see me at costco today, don't say hi- i'll be on a mission to buy prepackaged, heat-and-serve type food and a mixture of shame, guilt and self- questioning will put me in a crappy, self- loathing mood.

you want to hear something funny? well, funny to me? couple of days ago, jason annoyed the crap out of me. i was out with the boys...not getting a facial for MY face, not getting a manicure for MY nails, not getting my hair did for MY hair....i was out doing something FOR the boys and jason happen to come home while we were out. then, i get this text from the guy- "it would be nice to come home to a pot of rice." OMG! i texted him back these exact words, "it's not 1950s and we are not in korea. if your wife is out and you are hungry, it's called opening up the frig and pantry and figuring it out." like seriously?!!!! i just went to the market the day before and there were TONS of food everywhere. i drove back home annoyed and thinking to myself, "boys, when you grow up, you are going to be ADULTS (well, obviously..) and you will not DEPEND on your wife for your freakin meals. you will know how to boil spaghetti to make, well, spaghetti, you will know how to slap some damn peanut butter and jelly on some freakin' bread and eat a sandwich, you will...." i went on and on in my head with some easy meals that i WILL teach my boys one day.  anyways, i got home as crossed as could be and i stormed into the house and yelled sarcastically, "oh my god, are you ok? did you lose your limbs? oh my god, thank god you didn't because you had me really worried there and we rushed home to make your POT OF RICE." and for some freakin' reason, THAT was so funny when i said  it..."POT OF RICE!" and i couldn't stop laughing! since then, the boys and i have been calling jason the asian leprechaun. when i make rice, i tell the boys it's for our little leprechaun and say, "isn't it funny that our leprechaun doesn't want a pot of god but he wants a pot of rice..must be a asian leprechaun!" and we crack up. but in all seriousness, i am determined to retrain the big monkey... i've spoiled him for so long (i realize i'm only to blame) ....retraining process maybe a little uncomfortable in the beginning for the whole family (with the awkward silent treatments to be experienced by all) but i must be strong now for the betterment of the family later. stay strong, i say to myself.

oh my god, i wish i was better with technology so i could take a pic and upload it to this blog right now. if you could see what i call "meal planning", you would die laughing. i just looked over at my meal plan right now, and it's staring back at me so pathetic. instead of making a list of things, i literally drew a circle on my paper representing a plate and wrote out what i was going to cook - i mean, heat and serve- around the plate in smaller circles. my description of my meal plan doesn't do the patheticness of it justice, but trust me, it's so, so sad. oh, let the self loathing and self doubting begin!

why do some people just bring out different sides of your personality out? i just met this very, very cool girl (hey, jenny, if you ever read this, i think you are soooo cool! ;) anyways, when i am with her, we are both talking a mile a minute. i mean, i'm usually so shy and demure that i can't believe she makes this VERY talkative side of me come out. after a couple of hours with her and i need to rest my vocal cords and recharge my whole body with a nap! haha...anyways, just thinking that some people bring out difference personalities in you...your very spiritual side, your very intellectual side, your very silly side, your very obnoxious side, your very talkative side... whatever it may be. jenny, you def bring out the hidden talkative side of me out.

i love, love, love being a mommy. the boys are my best buds. man, they crack me up. of course, there are moments of frustration. i'm not going to make it sound like it's all roses around here all the time. there are times when they don't listen and i have to scold them, when they are fighting with each other and it is driving me crazy, but all in all, being a mommy is the most fun thing ever....evah!  it's so amazing to see the boys grow, learn and morph into these boys with their own personalities. tyler is very inquisitive and always asking questions. he is really funny and loves making us laugh. chase is wild and can be mischievous. yesterday, jason put chase in time out and when it was time for him to come out, he shot his arms up in the air and sang out the superman theme song....cracked us up. that's chase for you.

oh, which reminds me, tyler is obsessed with superman these days. he wants to wear this superman shirt every day, he wants me to gel his hair like superman (with even a curl in the front!), he tells me to call him clark, and get this, when he kisses me, he kisses me like superman kissed lois lane. he holds my face, tilts his head and keeps his mouth on my lips for an extra long time. the first time he did this, i was like, tyler!! and he told me that this is how superman kisses. oh my, maybe he shouldn't be watching these movies!

tyler just came downstairs and said he had a bad dream. after a few hugs, he said he was never going back to sleep, ever again. oh, how cute. then he said he was hungry. oh, a little cute. and then he said he knew what he was going to give me for christmas. i said what? and he said he was going to give me ten dollars from his piggy bank so i could get a tummy tuck. oh, how disturbing. maybe i shouldn't be talking of such things when he is in earshot... maybe he heard me talking, i mean- begging and pleading- with jason about this? what if he tells people, like his teachers at school, what he got his mommy for christmas?! haha...

ok, i guess that is all for this morning. i have a week off...wahoo! i am going to enjoy every second of relaxation this week. very little planned and that's how i plan for it to stay. hope you have a very merry christmas! today, can you do a little prayer for me? well, actually, a little prayer for my food and for the people who will eat it? can you pray that the meat is fully cooked and no one gets sick? can you pray that nothing burns so the guest won't walk into the smells of smoke and ash? can you pray that i keep my cool and don't throw everything down the garbage disposal? can you pray that the children will be there great selves so i don't have to constantly stop to yell at them? can you pray that i find some great heat and self dishes at costco that taste completely homemade so i could take all the credit? oh please, oh please, hope today goes ok!!

merry christmas 2010, y'all! let all the dysfunctional family gatherings begin! ;)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

i have so much to do but i really don't feel like doing anything right now. jason is not home and the boys are asleep. sitting in silence, here are some of my random thoughts tonight.

- we had to make a pretty big decision on behalf of tyler today, and it reminded me of how difficult parenting could be sometimes. you do the best that you can do, make the best decisions you can at that moment and hope that your children don't come back to you one day and ask, "why did you do that, mommy?" wouldn't that just break your heart? well, i know that it would break mine. just thinking about it brings me to tears.

- i can't wait to get a week off the last week of december. i feel like my life right now is about making schedules and following schedules. i am going to relish just BEING and not having a list of things to do and get done. i really can't wait...

is it thursday tomorrow? already? man, the days go by fast, huh? hope you have a great weekend!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

I bought these little suits for the boys to wear to cousin Sara's first birthday party. They looked so cute in them that I decided to get some "professional" pictures taken of them wearing their new suits. When I first got the pictures back, I said to Jason, "They look like little MONGOLS!" Jason looked at me and said, "Do you mean MOGULS?" I really just say the first thing that pops up in my little pea brain, and I crack myself up sometimes! haha...

Tyler and Chase, you make me so happy.