Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Friday, May 25, 2007

So yesterday, things were ok when my in-laws dropped off Tyler. They didn't mention anything and was happy as always (at least on the outside!). I was so racked with guilt that I prepared a huge special feast for them. I try to make dinner for them as much as possible but yesterday I went all out. (Ok, so most of it was stored bought by my mom, but they don't have to know that!) I even made my father in law "special" bean rice and told him it was healthier for him (to show I want him to be healthy and live a long life). I even asked my mom to bring korean bread when she came to visit and I gave it to them as they left. I am a very weak girl. Make me feel guilty and I will feed you!

On my way to the doctor's appointment this Wednesdsay, I went to the BobaLoca store in Torrance. I had gotten 9 stamps on my frequent buyer card and I wanted to redeem it for a banana strawberry smoothie. Well, the Korean guy at the counter looked at it and said that he couldn't take it. I was like, "What! Does it not say BobaLoca on this card? Do I not have 9 stamps, which entitles me to a free 10th drink?" Like Tyler would say, "What the." He said that since the frequent buyer card at this location looks different, he couldn't accept the one I had. I was like, "Isn't this a chain store?" to which he replied, "Yes." I told him that it even said Torrance location on the card. I knew he could tell I was annoyed but he didn't budge. I wasn't going to stand there and fight the man for a drink so I just let it go, but dude, Korean people can be so shady sometimes, at least in business. Why even pass out the cards if they're not going to honor it? I came home, got on their website and wrote an email to them. I still haven't gotten a response and I doubt I will. So this is my revenge- reveal them as the liars that they are on my website. So there, BobaLoca, my five readers now know about you and your ways!

Two Tyler stories for the day:

- If I want Tyler to stop begging/screaming/crying to get on the internet, I try to coax him with books. Now, he just looks at it and says, "Boring!" If we are on the computer and I want to let him know that I'm tired of it, I say, "This is boring Tyler!" His response: "It's fun!"

- Tyler LOVES seeing people without their shirts on: babies, adults, himself, etc. He just thinks it's just the funniest thing and will laugh like someone is tickling him! He will say, "No shirt! Naked!" When we were at his doctor's appointment, he went through two Parents Magazine pointing out all the half dressed babies and children in it yelling, "No shirt! Naked!" on top of his lungs. The other mothers in the waiting room just laughed but I wonder if they thought it was weird!

Well, happy Friday to y'all. For some reason, I'm glad that it is a three day weekend. I guess I'm happy for Jason that he will get three days of rest. Too bad I can't go anywhere or enjoy the weather or go to a bbq or ...or...or... wah. wah. wah!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I'm feeling a bit neurotic right now and that makes me want to write. It's the situation with my in-laws and also some coffee that I had that is making me feel this way.

Maybe if I post some stories about Tyler that would make me feel better.

- Yesterday, I was reading a book to Tyler and he said, "Me read it" and took the book out of my hands.

- Yesterday, he fell over some wooden blocks and hurt this elbow. He ran to the door and said "ah yah (korean for outside). Me hospital."

- Lately, Tyler's been saying "Go away" or "Move away." I have no idea where he picked this up. I don't think this is nice so I try to dissuade him from saying it. This morning, he said to grandpa, "Go away to room."

- Lately, I've been making up some stories and telling them to Tyler. I tell him stories that include mostly Jason, Tyler and me going various places such as the zoo, park, beach. At the end of each story, I will say "The end" and he will yell, "More story!" The last few days, Tyler will come up to me and say, "Story. Baby Kate." So I will tell him stories about him and Baby Kate going somewhere and the adventures they have at that place. Yesterday night, before he fell asleep, I heard him talking to himself and saying, "Tyler and Baby Kate beach." He continued on muttering something to himself that I couldn't quite understand. I thought it was so precious. Tyler's been around other children but what makes him love "Baby Kate" the most? Does he understand that she is family?

- Tyler has always loved fruit, especially blueberries. Yesterday, while he was on the computer, I gave him a bowl of blueberries and it was so cute. He was eating them one at a time and it reminded me of a little cub eating fruit off a tree. It also reminded me of one of my favorite childhood books, Blueberries for Sal. I remember reading that when I was in kindergarten and here in front of my eyes, was my son eating blueberries. Ok, maybe that's a bit of a stretch but this moment reminded me of when I was a wee little kid.

- If you ask Tyler "What does mommy love?" Tyler will reply, "Mommy loves sushi."

- If you ask Tyler what part of his body is pretty, he will reply, "My eyes." My mother in law taught him to say that.

- If he wants to buy something, he will say, "Buy me this please."

- If he receives something he will say "Thank you."

- If you point to the face on a dollar bill, he will say, "George Washington."

Ok, enough for today. Just a little record of what Tyler is doing lately so he could read about it when he gets older!

I'm so embarrassed right now! Ok, for the last few days, Tyler hasn't been eating much dinner and when I tell my in-laws that, they say something like, "Oh of course he didn't. He had __________ (add any junk food here....Korean crackers, Pepero, SunnyDelight, know that Korean sugar drink? They must think it's really yogurt because they give him one every day!, etc). And that would burn me up inside.

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE my in-laws. They are the best people in the world and they have been so kind and generous to me while I've been on bedrest. But, I don't like hearing that Tyler is eating that crap while he is in their care. I would just bite my tongue and then complain to Jason when he got home.

But, I never told Jason to bring it up to them! I don't know exactly what was said during this conversation but it probably went something like this, "Cristina told me that you are feeding Tyler junk food and she doesn't like it so stop giving it to him." And for a second, it probably made them feel really bad. Here they are going totally out of their way to make sure that I stay home, taking Tyler to preschool and picking him up, driving all the way from PV to bring him home. And they must think I'm the most ungrateful little daughter-in-law in the world. Of course, Jason said everything is fine and that they just laughed when he told them. (Laughed?? Like haha funny laugh or that nerve of that lazy ass girl you married who is always lying on her ass laugh?) AHHH!

This is eating me up inside. I don't want to face them later. God, please don't have them hate me.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

If I've ever called you anal, that is one of the biggest compliments I could give you because that is a part of myself that I know I lack and I envy in other people. I wish I were more of a perfectionist and needed things in my life to be just so. That is far from the case. I've always been content with good enough.

I don't need to cut my vegetables in perfect sizes. Do you see fingerprints on my table? I could care less. Even when I was in school, I would never double check my work until it was PERFECT, like some people I knew. I was happy to scan it once and turn it in if I didn't see any blatant screaming errors. I don't put on perfect air brushed make up every morning. I can put on wrinkled clothes and walk out into the world without a care. Not everything has to be pressed and dry cleaned. Just as long as it doesn't smell, I'm good to go. My furniture doesn't have to match. I can eat off different plates that I didn't buy as a set in one sitting. The clothes up in my closet are not hanging in some sort of order. All these things are ok with me, but sometimes I wish that these things WOULD bug me, that I would WANT everything around me to be perfect, neat, clean, ironed, organized, matching, color coded, alphabetized, etc.

Sometimes I just wish I had more Martha or Bree in me.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Hello!! It's been awhile since I updated this site. Tyler's been home with a cold and the last thing I want to do with Tyler here is be on the computer because he will demand that we go on the Thomas the Train website! (I curse the day we showed him that site!)

So I finally hit the "Woe is me - I'm on bed rest and pregnancy is hard" stage. wah. wah. wah. Third trimester has hit and that's when you feel really fat and bloated. Yay fun! Men should really kiss the ground women walk on cause bearing children is no easy feat!

The other day I cried when I learned that the fish I've been eating throughout this whole pregnancy could be contaminated with high levels of mercury. Tears of guilt ran down my face. How could I have been so stupid? How come I didn't check more than one source? The ONE source said croaker was fine when eaten once a week, but when something felt fishy, literally, I decided to check some other sites, I read that white croaker should be avoided and croaker is fine. How am I suppose to know if what I've been eating is croaker or whte croaker? This whole fish thing is so confusing when you're pregnant! One book will tell you to eat lots of fish. It's good for brain development! Then another one will say that your child will be a retard if you eat too much fish! What is one to do? I called my mom at 6:30 in the morning and she told me that the nation of Korea would be full of dumb asses if eating croaker was toxic. I'm still scared for the well being of my child, but I had to laugh at that one.

We still don't have a name! Well, we like one but when we tell people, some will give us that look like they've just smelled a fart or somehing! Geez! I can see why people keep names to themselves until the baby is born. We should have done that too because now the name is tainted with looks of "Why would you do that to your poor child?"

Guess what I've been doing at home bored off my ass? (or should I say, bored ON my ass?) Ok, this is a bit embarrassing. I'm so bored that I've been doing my make up! Like, full on make up, with foundation and shadow and other stuff I ususally don't do. Jason will come home at night and ask, "Where did you go?" And I'm like, "No where! I'm bored fool!"

Here are a couple of things that Tyler's been doing lately:
- If he sees a bruise, he will touch it and say "Poor thing."
- He always wants to wear his Thomas the Train T-shirt. (I told Jason not to get that tacky looking shirt in the first place!) We have to hide it from him and he will look through his drawers and say "Thomas, where are you?"
- One time, he told me that he wanted to go in the bbang (korean for room). Just to see what he would do, I said, "Oh, you want bhang (korean for bread)." He got really annoyed, pointed to the room and said sternly, "No, mom...ROOM."

Lastly, Happy Birthday to my sweetie Katie...Happy First Birthday. Auntie can't wait to see you!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there! Tyler got me lotion that I've been eyeing and said, "Happy Mother's Day" which was amazing because he couldn't say that just last much they grow in one year! I also got my first art project/ Mother's Day card from Tyler that he made at preschool. It's so cute I was near tears! :)

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

No wonder some pregnant women get fat! Yesterday, I had the weirdest feeling in the world. All I wanted to do was eat. And after eating something, all I wanted to do was eat some more. The power of wanting to eat was amazing and I thought I couldn't fight it. I've never had such an appetite before, not even while I was pregnant with Tyler, so it was so odd to be hungry ALL DAY LONG.

I thought it was because I'm stuck at home, but there have been many days when I've been home for long periods of time and never once felt this need to eat. So, it must be pregnancy, hormones, etc. Usually, Jason will be the first to tell me to eat, but yesterday, by the end of the night, he was giving me this look like, "Are you really going to eat more?!" I was so baffled by the state of my body, I just went to sleep. That got rid of the feeling for a good 10 hours....too bad I woke up with the urge to eat this morning!

I need to get out of this place!

Monday, May 07, 2007

Saturday, May 05, 2007

I've been feeling so bloated and fat these past few days! The past few weeks of inactivity is really getting to me. I ususally love the feeling of moving my body so just lying around like a damn bump on a long doesn't suit me one bit!

Yesterday, I went to the doctor's appointment and she told me to "take it easy this month" because I had gained 6 pounds in a month. I was going to say, "Take it easy?!!! Woman, you the one who put me on bedrest and I can't leave my house or even walk around my place and then you tell me to take it easy?" Once again, never say comments like that to a pregnant woman, peoples! I know she is my doctor and all, but I don't care to hear "take it easy" when it comes to my weight from anyone!

So after my appointment, I was in a bad mood and took it out on Jason a bit on the phone. When I got back home and explained where my foul mood came from: "I was hungry, I was wearing inappropriate clothes and, I feel fat!" His response: "What else is new?!" Haha, now, some of you may think that is mean, but we mean together so I think that's funny!

This morning, Jason says to me, "I'm so glad that the doctor's comment hit you so hard that you had an In n Out burger and chocolate chip ice cream for dinner, and now you're stuffing your face for breakfast!" (said while I shoving a buttery croissant in my mouth)

And after I thought about throwing the piece of croissant at him, I just continued to feed my puffed up face.

Friday, May 04, 2007

I realized today that Tyler is not a baby anymore! Actually, Jason commented that he thinks Tyler is done with his Terrible Two's. Of course, he fusses a little to get his way, but he has really gone through this huge transformation in the last few weeks.

There are so many things he is able to say and do now. It's really amazing. And also, I think he has an incredible memory. I told him what a tunnel was ONCE using his train set. The next day, he pointed to another tunnel that he has and said, "tunnel." I couldn't believe it.

He says when he wants something, when he doesn't want something, when he want more or less of something. Today he cracked us up in the morning by saying "ha ji ma" when we were putting lotion on his face. I have no idea where he picked that up cause we don't speak to him in Korean and my in-laws don't really say that to him.

My favorite time of the day is when I put him to sleep. He does this frantic hug that is beyond cute and makes this face like something is after him and he needs to get into my arms quickly. He will actually stroke my arm and sing "Night Night Butterfly." (a song that we made up).

Well, just a little post about my growing boy. The joys that come out of seeing our little miracle grow are endless.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Katie, Auntie misses you so much!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

I spent most of my day with my dad at home today. My dad is such a character. I don't know how else to describe him. You just have to know him to KNOW him and understand his little quirks. I do know that he makes me laugh with his thoughts and and ideas about the world.

He came over last night with a bunch of gifts, which he does every time he comes over, and the gifts he brings each time are so odd that you wonder what he was thinking when he bought them. He brought over what he thought was a toy bicycle and motocycle for Tyler, but really it's made of metal and is suppose to be home decoration, like something you would put on the bookshelf just to look at. It is completely silver and made with all these small parts. (Talk about dangerous for a little toddler!) Tyler was kind of confused by it but played with it nonetheless while I watched him carefully.

My dad amazes me too. He is a true survivor. You can put him on any country in the world and I know he would do just fine. He is very charming and knows all the right words to say to someone. I think he has a contagious laugh and smile. He also has this gift of business and can make a buck out of nothing. I swear he could talk someone into buying the lint off their shirt.

I have so much more I could say about my dad, but like I said, he is hard to describe. You just have to meet him. He would try to make you laugh. Then try to sell you something.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

It's been so long since I posted a video, I wanted to see if I remembered how to do it.

I plan on using the beginning of this video for Tyler's wedding video one day!

Oh my, I just burnt corn! My goodness, can't get the simplest thing right in the kitchen! All I had to do was put the dang corn in water and let it boil! I sure let it boil...boiled till all the water was gone and the bottom of the corn turned charred black! Now, the whole place smells like I burnt microwavable popcorn! Great, oh great!

So, people have been reading this blog and emailing me with such concern! Mostly, people want to know, "What is wrong with you?" Well, many things, but let's just stick to the condition at hand. I have a separated placenta. A what? The placenta- the thing that houses the baby for 9 months. A part of my placenta is separated from my uterus. I've had this condition for the entire pregnancy. In the beginning the ultrasound showed that I had this and my doctor put me on bedrest. When things looked like it was getting better, she told me I could resume my regular activities, but with great caution. I guess I listened to the "resume my regular activities" part but not the "great caution" part. Cause on Saturday in Cambria, the day before we thought we lost the baby, we walked and walked around Cambria's downtown (one long boring street of antiques), I danced with Tyler in front of the fireplace trying to work off my damn steak we had for lunch (Yup, steak for lunch. I'm a mean eater.) and then held him in my arms for thirty minutes trying to put him to sleep. Not smart. At this point, there's a very slim chance of my placenta reattaching itself. So the goal is not the separate it any more than it is right now. If that happens, that would mean a lot of complications for me and the baby.

So, now I've been put on bed rest for the entire pregnancy! Yup, four more months. I am too traumatized to use the restroom, let alone walk to get the mail so other than weekly visits to the doctors, I'm staying put! I've watched so much tv that I can't stand the tv at the moment. Looking at the remote makes me nauseous and gives me a headache.

I feel out of it and out of touch. I think...
What day of the week is it?
What DAY is it?
Is it May yet?
What time is it?
Wait, is Oprah on?
The lack of sun exposure is surely turning me into a pale ghost.
Why did I waste money on this new layered haircut when no one in the world will see it and it's always up in a ponytail?
Why did I buy all this maternity clothes when all I wear is my sweats?
How are my kids at school?
All the parents must hate me.
The kids must be at the library right now with the sub since it is...
Wait, what day of the week is it?

What to do, what to do with my time. Should I start the next great American novel? Should I get ready for the next school year? (though I have no idea what grade I will be teaching) Should I be decorating and preparing for the new baby? (that's kind of hard when you can't go out nor do we have place for any stuff even if I did get anything!)

So, I sit here and blog. Do you know how slow the day goes by when you are not suppose to move or walk? Try it for 1 minute and tell me how it feels. If you say, relaxing, try it for another 168 hours and then get back to me.