Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Sunday, May 06, 2012

i am so mad right now- at one person and at myself. i can't go to sleep. my heart is thumping. i will stay mad until it is resolved and i have to wait till tomorrow morning to have something done about my problem. i am sooo mad at myself. i am so stupid. if things don't work out the way that i want tomorrow, the person i am mad at is the biggest liar in the world. i can't even wake jason up right now because i don't want to get him upset over the situation. i just have to resolve it myself (hoping that i can) and tell him about it afterwards. i haven't been this mad in a long time. i will explain myself in a couple of days. too annoyed (and embarrassed) to write about the situation right now. i feel like screaming. i feel like fighting. i feel like crying. if things don't go my way tomorrow (meaning that this guy will turn out to be the biggest liar and jerk), i will think less of this world. i will seriously think less of man kind. i can't believe that i'm wasting my TIME right now thinking about this and will waste more time tomorrow to resolve it. that alone pisses me off because i don't like to waste time away from the boys. oh, why did i get myself into this mess? i should have known something like this could have happened. i should have been strong enough to walk away when i had an inkling that the man was a con artist. why did i get myself into this? it's my word against his. oh wow... i've never been in a situation like this. what makes it worse is that i didn't keep any of the paperwork. yup, like a freakin idiot, i trusted this guy so much that i actually THREW away the contract. yup, you read correctly. threw it in the trash. so really, it's my word against his. oh please god, tell me this is one bad oversight and when he sees me tomorrow, he will apologize for the mess he has caused. please don't tell me that he will say, "what are you talking about? i never said that to you." oh please god, tell me he is an honest guy. i don't think i could ever get over the disappointment in others..and myself. i'm so sad right now.

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