I'm so shit scared, I can't sleep. I found out from the principal today that I will have 3-4 special education students mainstreamed into my classroom for half the day. Crap-ola. Plus, each kid comes with an aide. I know most people think, "oh you get more aides...that's cool! More help." But, hell no, that is not how it is. Having an aide is like having another CHILD in the class. You have to watch them, tell them what to do, etc. I don't know what to do. Cry? Complain? Try it out for a week and see what happens?

The crazy part is that I actually signed up to teach this LOW group. But that was before I knew 3-4 students would be mainstreamed. I thought I would have a group of 15 max and one student mainstreamed. Now, I have a maxed out class of 20 plus all the adult bodies in there.

I taught this class last year and when the kids would leave my room, I sometimes would see stars. I would be so tired from teaching, I would feel like I was teaching on "empty" for the rest of the day.

I'm so scared that I'm thinking of talking to the principal tomorrow morning. Telling her that I know I signed up for this class but this was before I knew 3-4 kids would be mainstreamed, that I had this group last year and I can't do it again. For my sanity sake. But, then that would mean another teacher would have to take the class and is that fair? ...but crap, I went through this last year! I thought this year would be different!

I'm so scared right now that I even have thoughts of quitting. It's really bad to think like this, but whatever job I have, it's too hard, I WILL quit. Jason always tells me that and I guess it's ingrained in my head. He always tells me that if work is too much for me, I should just quit. He doesn't care if it's in the beginning of the year, middle of the year, or end of the year. He tells me that the money is not worth it and that I should be HAPPY working, that I should be doing what I LOVE..and I love teaching so that is why I'm doing it again this year. But, I won't LOVE it if I have this class. As a matter of fact, I will HATE it and HATE my life....just like I did last year.

Maybe I should stress my concerns to her tomorrow morning. She is the one who told me that it isn't fair to teach this low group two years in a row.

At least, we need to break this year into two groups so two teachers will have to teach this class.

Wish me luck. Prayers. Anything that you think will help me. I need it badly.