Hello, I can't believe school will be starting soon. Ok, for those of you who don't know, my final decision was to work this year. And yes, I went back and forth on my decision a couple of million times, but alas, a decision was made and I can't turn back now.

I'm 100% confident of the person that will be watching Tyler. She is so amazing it is scary actually. I've been watching her interact with Tyler and the other kids in her care for four days now and I am totally impressed by her skills and feel so lucky to have found her. I know Tyler will be learning so much from her and that eases some of the pain of leaving him.

So in a couple of weeks, I will be back to being a working mom. I always thought that I would be a stay at home mom. Always. As a matter of fact, when I left my old school for Portland, I felt like a chapter of my life had closed. I knew I would have a baby and then I would stay home.

But,I had the baby, and isn't it weird? How the mind works? Cause after he was born, I actually wanted to work. I liked doing something outside the house, I liked having adult interaction, I liked making money. Yeah, it was hard sometimes, trying to do both things well, but it was like a challenge to me. Tired as I was, I trudged along to show myself I could work and raise a happy, growing child.

I think subconsciously I could see my mom doing in all. Raising us and working everyday. I don't remember my mom ever resting for more than a day. I don't remember the last time she went on a vacation. People tell me that she was a homemaker when I was younger, but I don't remember those days. For as long as I could remember, she worked, cooked dinner, had a clean house, and most importantly, she was an awesome mother to us.

Anyways, so back to work it is. It's true that you become a better teacher every year. Summers are great because you could reflect on what went right, what went wrong in the previous year and think of ways to change things. Looking back, I think I had a crummy year this past year. I really do. I got hired like a week before school started last year, leaving me very little time to plan. Plus, I was teaching a new grade and that always sucks cause everything is new. Also, I always had to leave so early to get home by 4:00..the time my mother in law expected me so I had very little time to breathe or do awesome things with my class.

This year, my goal is to take some time for myself. I'm not going to feel bad about working out afterschool or getting my nails done. I think mothers feel like all their time should go to the family or kids. All this year, I could never really have "my" time because that would mean that I would leave Tyler. But, I'm just going to have to get over that and realize that one more hour won't hurt him.

I think I'm babling here. It's kind of late and my mind is here and there. I miss my Jenn...in Brazil? I miss my Jen...fixing teeth in SF? I miss my Susan... though we talked the other day and we had a marathon phone conversation full of "deep thoughts." It's weird not to see their faces and be next to them. Sometimes the phone just doesn't cut it. Sometimes, it feels good to just let lose and go dancing until the wee hours of the night dressed in a crazy Halloween costume you know you will only wear once (Jen). Sometimes, it feels good to go dancing and end of at someones house and bang on someone elses glass table over and over (Jenn). Sometimes, I miss high school and being able to see the SAME FACES everyday (Susan). When does that ever happen? I mean, when do you get to see the same people day in and day out? Not in college. In the workplace? Maybe. But it is not the same as high school for sure.

Anyways, Tyler is so cute. I know every parent thinks that about their child. I know that. But, damn, Tyler is cute! He does these things, like give me perfect little kisses even when I don't ask for it (and I know he knows I like them). He gets this crazy look on his face when we are chasing him and looking back to make sure we're not too close. His laugh is so adorable it makes me cry. Can you imagine a laugh that makes people cry? It must be something special. And special he is. So, so special in every way. There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him. I would kill or be killed to protect my child. Ok, that might come across a little morbid, but seriously, you realize how much you could love someone else when you have a child and you realize the lengths you would go to to make sure he is happy and safe. Britney Spears was right. You need to have a child to realize the depths that your love could go. And it is different from the love you have with your spouse.

Ok, now I know I'm PMSing, rambling on and on like a crazy woman and making myself cry for no reason.

Time for sleep. Next time you check my blog, I will be my chirpy self. :)