Spaz Attack

Thoughts from a big spaz who has lots to spaz about.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

When you're on bed rest, there is one person you really dress up for. Well, I do anyway. (And, it's not Jason.) I dress up doctor! I'm so excited to be stepping out of the house, plus it's not like I have much of anything else to do, that it takes me about an hour to get ready! You'd think I was on my way to my wedding. Or at least my prom! I do my "full" make-up, curl my hair (curl my hair!), and take time to put on a cute outfit, of course, with matching accessories. Today, while I was getting ready, I was thinking how dumb I, who cares what I look like? I'm already like thirty pounds overweight and have a huge watermelon under my shirt. "Ain't nothing going to look cute, sister," I said to myself with defeat.

I'm so ecstatic that my sister is here but I'm SOOO miserable that I am not able to go OUT with her. Like, every time I hang out with her while she is here will be at my boring, tiny place, picking our noses. You know what that means, right? It means... no shopping! No eating out! No hanging around with our babies in tow! SOOO sad, I tell you! SOOO sad and disappointing since I've been counting down the days for her presence to be made in LA. Maybe I would feel better about it if the weather was really crappy and I didn't even want to go out..but dang, it's been like paradise up in LA, just adding salt to my deep wounds.

I don't know if I ever confessed here on my blog but I used to be a heavy complainer. If there was a complainer anonymous somewhere, I would (should) have been the first person to sign up. I was like that girl who complained for more heat on the day it was too cold, and then when I got more heat, complain it was too hot. I feel sorry for people who had to listen to my childish whining when I was in my complain mode (mostly exes). Well, thank heavens that most of my complaining has vanished since I met Jason (He was really the first guy to tell me to grow up and wouldn't put up with my crap, which I hated at first, but totally respected at the end.) and especially since I had Tyler (Who has time to complain about trivial things when you have a growing boy to take care of?). So anyways, the reason I bring this up now, is that I feel some of my complaining tendencies crawling back into my system lately. I don't know if it is hormones, being on bed rest and feeling like a prisoner in my own home. I try to bite my tongue cause God knows this is as hard for every one around me as it is for me. I'm just on edge lately. I could pick at the smallest things, mostly how things are being run around here since I can't handle the daily household stuff. At how Tyler's lunch is being made. At how the bathroom has tiny pieces of hair everywhere from when Jason tried to cut his own hair. At people buying the wrong kind of milk, or forgetting something from the grocery list.

I pray that God gives me the power to help me realize that this is just a phase I'm going through and that this shall pass.

I think He just did.

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