I wish I could come up with a decision and be happy with it. Yesterday, someone that I knew called and told me that there is an opening at her school if I want to work this September. So easy...just like that. No looking around for an opening. No interviews. Just come right on in and teach again.

And it makes my decision to stay home so much harder. I have to be honest. There are times when I wish I was working. Not to be away from Tyler. But I think it would be nice to have more money. (Not that it's much...but it would help, especially if we get a house.)

I just go back and forth. But now that I know there is an opening, I really have to make a decision. It was easier when there was no option.

I'm so torn. I want to work, but at the same time, I think of leaving Tyler (either at my mother in law or at a daycare) and it brings tears to my eyes. Could someone else hold him the way I hold him? Could someone else feed him the way I feed him? Could someone else play with him the way I play with him? What if something happens to him? Would I ever be able to forgive myself if something did? My heart aches just thinking about it.